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One Million Moms Is Here To Protect Our Daughters From Having Sex With Walruses

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Thank God for One Million Moms, protecting us against evil sexy pasta sauce and same-sex marriage sandwich cookies! Without this fine organization, I would have no idea that what I thought was just sort of a dumb candy commercial was actually poisoning my children’s minds and making them want to make out with a walrus.

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From the One Million Moms Website:

We are not sure of Skittles’ thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, they have succeeded. Skittles’ newest “Walrus” commercial includes a teen girl making out with a walrus. The two are on a sofa in an apartment kissing on the mouth when her shocked roommate walks in on them.

Wait a gosh darn minnit here, One Million Moms! Why is this “teen” girl living on her own without any parents and just a roommate and a walrus! Is this why you find this ad “disgusting“? Because this teen girl is living on her own with no parents and a gigantic walrus she has to feed and probably a huge water bill because walruses are fond of water?

No! It’s because:

Skittles Marketing Team may have thought this was humorous, but not only is it disgusting, it is taking lightly the act of bestiality.

I’m not here to walrus-shame anyone, but watching the above commercial with the girl making out with the walrus, I find it extremely hard to imagine anyone either 1: finding a walrus as anything but a cute gigantic animal and 2: wanting to actually make out or engage in any sexual activity with a walrus. Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe there is some massive subculture of walrus loving zoophiles out there who would love nothing more than smooching on a four thousand pound marine animal with 3-foot-long tusks, but I don’t think walruses are exactly the Ryan Gosling of the animal kingdom. Nor do I think seeing this kinda dumb commercial is going to make our young daughters suddenly develop walrus fetishes. If anything, it may remind them that Skittles are a yummy candy. So the only threat this TV advertisement poses is the $2.98 I’m going to be out buying a large bag of Skittles to share with my kids. And then watching walrus videos with them while eating them. And trust me, we won’t be finding the walruses sexy.

(Photo: Vladimir Melnik/Shutterstock)