a single mother

OctoMom Is Having A Sexy Party — And It’s Not Very Sexy

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Nadya Suleman, in addition to being a porn star and having the world’s most famous clown car uterus, has just released her first dance single “Sexy Party” and you can listen to it on TMZ.com . The song contains many elements that make a dance track danceable, including backwards counting, counting in Spanish , scary demonic robot voices, lots of auto-tune, and a plug for her money lending website, Octoloan.  

Oh Octomom! I wish there was some way I could spin you into not being someone who was so easy to make fun of. I feel for you. It can’t be easy mothering 14 kids. It can’t be fun selling dates with yourself on the internet . It’s can’t be fun reading bad reviews of your strip club routines. But I’m getting tired of making fun of you. I want to think of nice things to say about you, but it’s really hard. You have pretty hair. There! I did it!

 

Octomom seems like she would do anything for money at this point. Need a roofer? Call Octomom! Need someone to bring in your mail when you are out of town? Need someone to pick up your dry-cleaning? Need someone to perform magic tricks at your kid’s birthday party? Octomom! But how do you solve a problem like Nadya? Because I’m afraid to say she doesn’t have a future as a pop star. She claims she is broke, one million dollars in debt, and all of her kids are under ten. So what’s the solution for someone like Nadya? Maybe she could get a “real job”, she does have a Bachelor of Science degree in child and adolescent development. If she opened up an Octodaycare then she could have her kids attend preschool there and she wouldn’t have to pay ridiculous childcare costs. When I attempt to view Octomom as a real human being with a really bad situation and try and think of how she can fix her life I just can’t come up with any solutions. And then I remember she’s a total weirdo. But with nice hair! And then I get bored and go eat some Goldfish Crackers.

 

I think the majority of us have had financial problems at some point or another. In these circumstances we usually comes up with a lot of different solutions that don’t involve recording really awful dance tracks in the hopes it will solve our money woes.  And the majority of us don’t have 14 kids. And if we do, we usually have a solid plan for supporting them. So what can Octomom do? With fall fast approaching, I’m going to need to mulch my flower beds soon. Maybe I’ll give her a call.

(Photo: Crushable)