After 7 Years Together And Two Kids, I’m Considering Actually Marrying My ‘Husband’

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But how do you embrace something that you’ve been ignoring for so long? Honestly, the whole thing just seems like one giant bummer now. I don’t know how or when this happened, but all of the sudden I’ve become the woman who thinks she’s too old for everything. When I think of wedding ceremonies I think, Oh – that’s for kids. Am I going to wear a long white gown? I’ll look ridiculous. I did just turn 40. Maybe I’m more affected by this whole age thing than I thought I would be.

There are just so many aspects interwoven with marriage that don’t seem to jive for our situation. We aren’t religious. We don’t have the money for a big ceremony or even a big party – and we just moved thousands of miles away from all of our friends. What the heck would our wedding look like anyway? I realize I am acting like the ceremony and the institution are the same thing – and they’re not. But the question that I just can’t answer is, “why get married?”

If I am really rebelling against the whole idea of marriage, I kind of feel like a fraud for calling him my “husband.” I mean, if marriage is really so unnecessary – what’s with the label? “Boyfriend” just doesn’t roll off the tongue like it used to. Also, I should probably stop saying, are you being serious? every time he mentions marriage. Not good.

I kind of love the whole idea of being devoted and committed to each other without the necessity of making it “official.” If we have all of our ducks in a row – living wills and such – is it even necessary? Our kids have both of our last names. Is it going to be weird that mommy and daddy aren’t married? I have to believe that times have changed enough that no, it won’t.

But that line of reasoning always inevitably brings me to, what the hell is my problem with marriage? Is it really just that I feel like I’m too old to do it the “right” way? What is the “right” way anyway? I’ve been brainwashed by Today’s Bride magazine and the Knot, haven’t I? Oh, and don’t forget Pinterest. That’s all weddings, all the time.

The sheer amount of questions this poses tells me I do want to get married. I’m in love with this man. I love the parts of him I see in our child. I love thinking of the parts of him that I will be seeing in our child that’s yet to come. I need to get over myself. A marriage is what you make it and has nothing to do with the colors and flowers you choose for your ceremony or the amount of people you decide to invite. Our wedding definitely won’t be Pinterest-worthy, but I think it’s time to realize that I call him my husband because he is.

I guess some things are just worth making “official.” And I’m pretty damn sure I don’t look 40. I may still be able to pull off a long white gown yet.

(photo: kuban_girl / Shutterstock)

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