Nordstrom Is Selling ‘Clear Knee Mom Jeans’ and They’re So Bad, They’re Wonderful
Are you looking to make the school drop-off a little more embarrassing for your children? Do you worry that your family photos won’t be humiliating enough for you when you look at them again in 20 years? Are your knee caps the sexiest part of your body, and you are just desperate to show them off, without revealing that you haven’t shaved your calves since 2012? Well if any of those are true, then you are in luck, because the geniuses behind the $85 rock are at it again. Nordstrom is now selling a pair of “clear knee” mom jeans, and suddenly spending $85 on a rock no longer seems quite so dumb by comparison.
Nordstrom’s “Clear Knee Mom Jeans” are a real product, and that is really what they’re called. We have to give them points for the honest, hyper-descriptive product name, because there’s no more appropriate moniker for a pair of pants that really are just “mom jeans” with plastic windows where the knees should be. They’re $95 and produced by Topshop, which proudly boasts: “Slick plastic panels bare your knees for a futuristic feel in tapered and cropped high-waist jeans.”
They combine all the flattering qualities of baggy, high-waist, acid-washed jeans that are weirdly short and have no hems with the sexy, futuristic quality of wrapping your knees in ziploc bags. And just wait till summer, when it gets hot and those knee holes fog up like the car windows in Titanic. Sexy!
We finally found them, you guys. We found the crazypants.
These terrible jeans are so bad they’re wonderful. It’s like the world saw that we were depressed, anxious, and snowed in, and it gave us the worst pants imaginable to take our minds off things. Thanks, Nordstrom! We can always count on you to come up with a product so ridiculous it defies all logic.