Childrearing

Advising Other Moms To Give A Blow Job A Day Will Make Them Hate You, Mkay?

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Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 7.51.58 PMHey! You there! You in the happy relationship based on mutual respect, open communication, shared interests, and having lots of fun in each others’ company. Your marriage is in trouble, but Reno 911‘s Niecy Nash has the cure. The cure is oral sex and gender essentialism.

In an interview with Playboy, the relationship expert said that the solution to relationship problems is to “keep him fed and drained.”

(Via)

Nash’s relationship book is called It’s Hard to Fight Naked, but she wanted to call it something much more evocative of her “blow job every day” philosophy.

“What I say in the book is, ‘A BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away’ and I say that because I feel like men are profoundly simplistic, which is the reason I wanted to call my book what I used as the title of chapter three, which is, “Stomach Full, Penis Empty: A Woman’s Guide to a Happy Marriage.” Keeping him fed and drained, you have no problem.”

Oral sex is a wonderful thing, but the way Nash talks about it would gross anybody out. “Fed and drained.” Ew. I’m so busy gagging over her phrasing that I haven’t even had time yet to gag about the “men are profoundly simplistic” line, but I’ll get to gagging over that in a moment, because Nash keeps going.

“We are really more complicated than they are and I think that women are more generous with oral sex because we nurture by nature. We want to be pleasing by nature, that’s in our DNA, so I think that a lot of the behavior we’re looking for sexually, you might have to educate your partner. Sometimes, men just assume they’re going to get it and you need to be like, ‘Give me mine. Ladies first.'”

At least Nash includes female satisfaction in there as well as daily scheduled blow jobs, because it sex is important in a romantic partnership and it’s important for both partners to be satisfied. But even though sex is great and important, this tired “women are nurturing and men are big dumb lugs that just want steak and blow jobs” has got to die. It’s insulting to both men and women, and it’s a shitty way to run a marriage.

Photo: Facebook/Niecy Nash