The Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards Prove I’m A Lame-O Mom

The Nickelodeon Kids Choice awards are not for kids. This happened last night, and a bunch of celebrities won awards for junk and I’m super lame because my own 8-year-old kid has no idea who half these people are. I know so little about current popular culture, and I expose my own kids to what is “hip” and “cool” with the under-16 set so rarely, that I think my daughter was expecting Mick Jagger and his band to win for their song “Miss You” and the entire cast of Malcolm In The Middle to show up to accept an award for best new TV show. Note to self: Start paying attention to what kids these days are into, because at this point, the Nickelodeon Kids Choice awards are not for kids. Unless kids are being exposed to all sorts of things that my own kid would be totally bored with.

So Pitbull (Yeeesh) and Christina Aguilera ( Yeesh, plus, can I still call her Xtina? Because it’s a lot more amusing to spell it that way)  performed, with super creepy tiny dancing clones of themselves. I don’t know about you all, but to me this is kind of the epitome of what nightmares are made of:
[youtube_iframe id=”LxkyE1nrFio”]

Host  and Fergie-husband Josh Duhamel “slimed” Dwight Howard from the LA Lakers. My kid had no clue who either of these people were. Johnny Depp won for best actor, Kristen Stewart for best actress. Do you know how many Twilight movies my kid has seen? Half. Yep, half of the first one.  In the music categories,  Katy Perry won for Favorite Female Singer; Justin Bieber for Favorite Male Singer and One Direction nabbed Favorite Music Group and Favorite Song. Favorite female athlete went to Danica Patrick, and I think Gabby Douglas was robbed! Robbed I say!

Ke$sha performed and on the red carpet with her brother Louis, Ke$sha looked like Bootsy Collins and her brother looked like an Oompa Loompa. Spongebob showed up a lot. My kid does know who Spongebob is at least. I guess it cute and fun that kids have their own award show, and it is amazingly popular, 387 million votes were cast from around the world to determine winners in 22 categories. But I think the biggest draw of this show for kids is watching gallons of green slime cover all of these famous people as they go onstage to accept their awards, because I can tell ya, my kid has no idea who Neil Patrick Harris is.

Next year we will be better prepared, but it seems like in order to “be prepared” you have to expose your kid to a mess of music you may feel isn’t quite age-appropriate and a bunch of movies that are just not for kids. Why was Kristen Wiig presenting? I read she has an upcoming role in the Despicable Me sequel but do little kids know who she is from Bridesmaids or SNL? Don’t get me wrong, I lufffff her, like so many people do, but at this point she is an adult famous person person, not a kid’s famous person person.

So yeah, whatever Kid’s Choice Awards, thank you for making me and my kid feel like lame-o-out-of-it people for not knowing who half these people are. Today we will have our own award’s show with best movie going to 1999’s The Iron Giant and best Cat award going to our cat. At least we know these things.

(Photos: Wenn and Nickelodeon)