mother guilt

Dumb Male Journalist Tells Moms, ‘Be Like Dads And Don’t Give A S**t,’ Moms Say ‘F**k You’

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overworked momAre you ready for your daily dose of mansplaining? Better buckle up, because it’s a doozy. New York Post columnist Kyle Smith has a message for exhausted, overworked moms:

Stressed-out moms frazzled to exhaustion by the pursuit of parental perfection, let us dads explain something to you: Do we seem half as frenzied as you?

No. Because we don’t give a s - - t.

I would suggest that dads may not seem as stressed because even when both Mom and Dad work full-time jobs, Mom still takes care of the brunt of the housework and child care. But sure! Yes, moms are just exhausted because we care too much about perfection. For example, right now I find myself caring a lot about what a perfect asshole Smith is.

Smith dismisses the concerns of mothers as simply caring too much about what other people think, which he dubs the ‘feminine psychosis’. In related news, I’m going to build on ‘mansplaining’ by starting to use the term ‘masculine psychosis’ to describe a dude’s overwhelming belief in his own ability to understand the lived experiences of women better than women themselves do. Geez, Kyle, why do us silly womenfolk insist on giving a shit despite Smith’s wise advice to the contrary?

A few months back, every feminist-y, upper-middle class mom cooed and thrilled to an essay riffing about how Amy Poehler once told Jimmy Fallon, “I don’t f - - king care if you like it.” Then they went back to fretting about the half-centimeter hole in their tights and whether people had noticed their nails had gotten a little ragged lately.

Yeah, women are so silly for worrying about their appearances! It’s not as if their opinions are rejected out of hand if they fail to meet some arbitrary standards for self-presentation, or as if mothers in the workplace are treated worse if co-workers perceive them as being tired out by their family lives. Or as if they’re ever dismissed out of hand as “just a mom” for failing to live up to the personal care, cooking, and cleaning standards they had before children.

Smith brags about dressing his daughter in mismatched clothes, feeding her pizza and Hawaiian Punch instead of organic whole foods, and being content to park her in front of cartoons for a while. And while these are all things I’d probably do with my kids (except give them Hawaiian Punch, because that crap tastes like licking the bottom of a barrel of red food dye), here’s the difference: nobody is going to look down on Smith for doing so, because as a society, we don’t consider it Dad’s ‘job’ to make sure the children look presentable, to make healthy meals and bring treats to school, to find intellectually-fulfilling activities for them to do. All that is assigned to poor Mom’s, and for Smith to so easily dismiss it all as a frilly feminine waste of time shows what a waste of space he is.

Whatever goofy clothes Smith dresses his daughter up in, whatever junk food she gets sent to school with, it’s probably not him who’s going to be side-eyed for it. If his daughter goes to school with a stain on her shirt or a knot in her hair, it’s not him who’s going to be treated like a wicked step-parent by her classmates’ parents. It’s easy to say “just don’t worry what other people think of you!” when you don’t have to worry about getting along with those other people at every class party, at PTA meetings, at play dates and birthday parties.

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