10 Normal Baby Things Prince George Will Never Get To Experience
Squee-worthy new photos of a toddlerly Prince George were released this weekend and as usual, I was a gooey mess whilst absorbing his royal adorableness. In his twee little rompers and unscuffed shoes, he is unlike any other babyÂ and it struck me in that moment just how atypical this kiddo’s life must be as compared to that of a plebeian. Although his parentsÂ are decidedly down-to-earth considering who they are, he still lives a life that most adults would be envious of, let alone a little kid. It got me thinking about all of the normal baby things Prince George will never get to experience. I am not saying it’s a bad thing, I’m just saying:
1. Wal-Mart Baby Clothes
No Garanimals will ever touch his royal heiney.
2. A Binkie With Floor Spice On It
When his pacifier falls out, you know Prince George’s nanny is on top of that shit. There is no way this kid is ingesting any of Lupo’s dog hairs off the nursery floor.
3. A Trip To A Skanky Bouncy House
You know the kind I mean- where the floors are cement, the air is scented vaguely of vomit and despair and it seems like the health department might shut it down any moment. This child will never crawl through a poop streak at the top of the slide, no question.
4. Jarred Baby Food
I would bet my collection of royal family memorabilia that they have the fancy contraption that turns adult food into perfectly smooth purees. No chunks, please!
5. A Clunky Ride In A Graco Stroller
I believe Duchess Kate has one of those Silver Cross prams that cost more than my first car. This baby will not be getting a finger sliced off in a recalled stroller.