Are You There, Moms? It’s Me, Idiot What Do You Really Want For Mother’s Day?

As we talked about yesterday, Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Your kids are probably scheming some sort of celebration and gift situation, all to thank you for being their mom. That means gifts–and while all gifts are appreciated–some of them can really suck.

While I know you’re not all monsters and will happily accept whatever gift(s) your loving children bestow up on you, I’m sure there’s something the back of your mind that you would prefer over another goddamn clay pinch pot. It’s probably not something that’s realistic to expect from your kids–a night of uninterrupted sleep, illegal drugs in large quantities, or a quiet house for five minutes, for example.

This isn’t about being ungrateful, because I’m sure you love your children very much and having them around is gift enough (or at least, this is the lie my mother tells me when she’s trying to get me to move closer to home). But I know you’re also people outside of being a parent, and sometimes you just want a shopping spree and not a poem about what a great mom you are.

Leave your most desired wish list here, and maybe you’ll get really lucky and have a partner stumble across your comment. Hopefully, your desired gift won’t be something that’s too awkward to receive from the kids on a day celebrating you as a parent (but no judgement if all you want right now is a new goddamn vibrator).

Photo: Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret