being a mom

Anonymous Mom: I’m A Mom, Your Neighbor, Your Friend And A Drug Addict

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When the prescriptions weren’t enough, I started asked friends for their drugs. Many of them had narcotics they never finished either from surgeries or the birth of their children. Citing my pain issues, I asked if they had any pills I could have. Most of them happily handed them over without a question or second thought.

And, of course, the last way is wrong, shameful and totally out of character for me, but in line with what addicts do: I started stealing drugs. It started at family members’ houses. I’d look in the medicine cabinet. And low and behold, sometimes there were drugs! I’d take a few. After all, they weren’t using them and I would, right? As soon as I discovered this new world of possibilities, I moved on to looking around friends’ houses too (ones who I hadn’t asked initially). Then, I began to purposefully find a reason to be at someone’s house. If I scheduled a playdate, we got together over at the other parent’s house. I’m sure you caught that – I used my kid as an excuse to get into someone’s house for the sole purpose of stealing their drugs. That is messed up. Severely. I knew it and yet I still did it. During the course of a few months, I quickly learned things I didn’t want to know (like who was taking Viagra), but I kept searching – looking in medicine cabinets, nightstand drawers and linen closets – anywhere I thought that may have what I wanted. What I needed.

I would never, never, never steal money or jewelry or anything from family, friends or strangers. And yet. And yet, I did steal. I didn’t want their money or their jewelry. I wanted their drugs.

So why did I stop? I got tired of being an addict. After a while, I needed more and more pills just to feel normal, forget about feeling better. And I was sick of constantly thinking about when I needed to make my next doctor appointment or how I could finagle an invitation to someone’s house. Plus, I had a small child to whom I was devoted – I knew I shouldn’t be taking drugs while Mommying and I didn’t want to do any (more) long-term damage to my body.

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