Mom’s Rant About Her Husband’s Grocery Shopping Is Genius

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(Facebook / MyLifeSuckers)

When you want something done it’s probably best to do it yourself. That’s what blogger Deva Dalporto surmised in her latest rant video. In the video, Dalporto tries to figure out what happens in her husband’s brain when he goes grocery shopping. She explains that upon entering a grocery store, her husband, who has an advanced degree in nuclear engineering from M.I.T. becomes completely inept and unable to follow simple directions or locate any of the items on her list.

“He acts like he’s in a maze, blindfolded, with the lights out.” In a series of mock phone calls, she illustrates a typical trip. “Hi honey! Cutlets, chicken cutlets! They’re a type of chicken.” she deadpans. “From the butcher! In the back! Do you see the oranges at the front of the store? Keep going!” She even has to explain to him how the butcher line works. “Look with your mom eyes, not your man eyes!”

She repeats the conversation several times again, each with increasing frustration and mania on her part. Her voice becomes more high pitched and her face becomes more strained as she answers the same question over and over again. Her face looks like she cannot believe that he is actually that dense, and then the phone will ring again. She plasters on the same fake smile and chirps a cheerful hello in the phone again. You have to laugh at it because it is so true. As an example of his complete ineptitude, she shows a picture of a scratched and bruised pear. “Did he just walk up to the pears and say I’m going to find the one that looks like it was bludgeoned to death by an axe murderer! The kids love bruised fruit!”

After leading him through the store Dalporto explains that “Three hours later, he shows up at home without anything that you asked for. Instead of any staples, he’s got bags and bags of snacks — and beer.” This is when she drops the real truth bomb. “I don’t buy that my husband is an incompetent grocery store shopper…it’s a massive conspiracy theory that the men of the world are playing on us…if we (they) act incompetent, they (women) won’t make us go!”

She’s hit the nail right on the head. There is no way that husbands are that incompetent, they’re probably just…lazy.