Mommyish’s Guide To Taking The Ultimate Pregnant Selfie

pregnant barbieTaking a flattering pregnant selfie is an elusive art, ladies. Those of you who have struggled to find a flattering angle of yourself in your third trimester, all the while trying to navigate flash/no flash options, and have promptly given up to go Pinterest-ing instead know exactly what I mean. Goodness knows you’ve seen enough unfortunate attempts in your Facebook feed to post some half ass lame-ness. Selfies require a nefarious skill set, in which people are either really, really good at it (sometimes a little too good), or just terrible. Lucky for you, I’ve seen enough pregnant selfies in my Mommyish tenure to school you on the ways of the capturing your pretty. So grab your bump, your phone, the nearest mirror, and let’s do this.

(photo: images.sodahead.com)

Step 1: Prep Work

Before you start Instagramming away, you should know that there are some minor details that will make all the difference in your selfie glamor shots. Those include:

    • Painted/manicured nails
  • A cell phone cover

Some of the best executed selfies I have ever seen always involve some kind of nail/iPhone cover coordination. This doesn’t mean you have to go to the Apple store and spend like $30 on an iPhone cover that is more befitting for a 19-year-old (unless you are a 19-year-old/roll like that). Nor do you need to drop another chunk of change on a fancy shellac manicure. Be one of the DIY moms and paint your own nails after ordering an iPhone cover on Amazon for less than two dollars.

Next is location, location, location. A full length mirror is REQUIRED for this exercise. So whether you’ll be working in your bedroom, the bathroom, or your garage, assess your surroundings. Things you’ll definitely want to remove from your surrounding area include:

    • dog food
    • dirty laundry
    • a messy bed
    • your other children

You want your viewer to focus on you. Not that your rumpled sheets are mismatched or that your partner left his or her dirty socks behind you.

The same goes for your other kids, if you have any. There will be plenty of time for “I’m a big brother!” moments with the hands to the belly photo opportunities. This is called the SELFIE for a reason.

Step 2: Wardrobe Selection

Wear whatever the hell you want. If you’re at your most badass in a leopard print A-symmetrical top and a glittery mini skirt, go for it.

the-pregnant-selfie(photo: mybs.com)

If you’re more the comfy yoga pants type, stick with that.

pregnant selfie(photo: amfairbanks)

If you’re anywhere in between, feel free to mix and match with leopard print and yoga pants. Seriously, who cares what you’re wearing as long as you like what you’re wearing.

pregant selfie 6

(photo: daisytosunflower.blogspot.com)

Don’t feel like you have to shy away from from the bikinis either just because you’re knocked up. The bikini pregnant selfie is totally happening thanks to pioneering ladies in the selfie arena like Jessica Simpson:

jessica simpson pregnant selfie

It’s totally about your comfort level and what you don’t mind circulating throughout the Internetsphere.

If you want to to emphasize your bump (perhaps because it’s early in your pregnancy or you’re just super body positive like that), go with stripes or patterns:

pregnant selfie 8

(photo: bump-to-birth.tumblr)

If you want to downplay your bump (because you’re late in your pregnancy or just don’t feel like putting it all out there) stick with dark solid colors:

pregnant selfie 9

(photo: jessharden10.tumblr.com)

Step 4: Decide To Include Your Face Or Not

Much like clothes, this is about your comfort level. I know ladies who prefer to always obscure their faces in their pregnant selfies and the results can be just as flattering:

pregnant selfie 3

(photo: Mica_R)

Some may do this because they are simply Internet shy or suffer from really bad pregnancy mask or don’t like their smile or don’t want their pregnant face existing in Internet oblivion forever. Others, don’t care in the slightest:

pregnant selfie 4

(photo: smartacus)

So you decide.

Step 5: Makeup 

If you’re gifted in the makeup realm/a professional makeup artist, go for the gold. No need to take the red lipstick down a notch just because you’re growing a human (unless you want to). Commit to the cat eyes that you’re known for:

pregnant selfie 5

(photo: xlovinaxlovex.tumblr)

But if you’re a layman like me and only understand makeup via whatever tips you glean from The Gloss, don’t feel the need to compensate for your pregnancy with a fancy smokey eye. A good selfie doesn’t necessarily require a full face of makeup.

Step 6: Find the Light

You haven’t logged all those mindless hours watching “American’s Next Top Model” for nothing. Whether you’re working with vanity lights, a mere desk lamp, or even unflattering overheads, MAKE IT WORK. Bad light can ruin a rather promising selfie. Like this one:

bad bathroom preggo selfie

(photo: AngelaMullinJackson)

To avoid random ass shadows in your face, look up into the light. Nobody wants to squint to find you:

strange preggo selfie 2

(photo: La Stevie D)

And practice that steady hand to avoid blurriness, unless you’re going for a Fiona Apple music video effect:

nursing bra selfie 2

Is it just me or do we both have morning sickness right now?

(photo: La Stevie D)

Step 7: Decide Whether You’re Cool Showing the Full Belly or Not

Again, you have options. Duh your Facebook friends want to see that bump. But that doesn’t mean that they’re entitled to the fully monty. Take a few test shots and see what you’re comfortable with like Kim Kardashian:

Kim k pregnant selfie

(photo: Twitter)

Step 8: Posing

The most flattering poses I’ve seen so far often involves the hand on the hip with the phone/camera in the other hand. For those who can’t feign this pose without laughing at themselves, the profile is a classic that gets the job done:

pregnanrt selfie

(photo: upmommycreek.com)

Variations on the hand placement work too. Everyone loves a mommy cradling her tummy in some fashion. Experiment with this one:

pregnant selfie 11

(photo: chloeroseashby.tumblr.com)

Step 9: No Duckface

Leave the duckface for your tweenage step-daughter and all her dumb friends. You’re a grown ass woman about to become a grown ass mother. Baring a full set of teeth might make you feel like you’re in elementary school — but trust me — that only thing that can do that in 2013 is the notorious duckface. You don’t have to be a grinning idiot if you don’t want to (although this is a perfectly acceptable time in your life to be one! Baby time!).

For ladies who are teeth conscious, I recommend perfecting the coy motherly smirk:

pregnant selfie 10

(photo: yoladybird.tumblr.com)

It’s a look that says both “I’m pregnant in this selfie” and “I’m super low key about it.” Highly recommend for the mothers who are a little camera shy. Here’s another one:

pregnant selfie 12(photo: loveandcamo.tumblr.com)

It’s all about controlling the corners of your mouth as you smile.

None of this is to say you can’t get playful.

pregnant selfie 13(photo: shellythespaceship.tumblr.com)

So start putting away the dog food and cycling through your Instagram filters. If this guide at all aides you in your quest for the ultimate pregnant selfie, email me your proudest snap so we can publish them. Now get to WERK.

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