Childrearing

The ‘Mommy Wars’ Don’t Exist

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shutterstock_50928265The “Mommy Wars” is a ridiculous label. I try to ignore labels that start with “mommy.” Inevitably, they are meant to be condescending and insulting. This opinion isn’t the result of any scientific research or anything – it’s just the conclusion that I have come to in my own, online life. Often times, when someone insults me online – they throw in “mommy” for good measure. It’s weird.

Since I began writing about motherhood – I have been attacked plenty. I’m not complaining. I think anyone who puts words on the Internet should be ready to be attacked occasionally. We don’t all agree on everything all the time – and I’m fine with that. I just think it’s hilarious that every time a group of women disagree with each other, and those women happen to be mothers – it’s coined a “mommy war.”

As if every woman in the world that has grown a human has something in common. By that line of reasoning, we should all have something in common because we live and breathe. It doesn’t work that way. Just because someone is a mother, doesn’t mean she’s going to be exempt from the judgement of other mothers – quite the contrary, actually.

I get paid to have an opinion about issues that mothers may be interested in. I guess that sort of puts me in the hot seat. I can’t write a post about attachment parenting, Lenore Skenazy, or a celebrity mother without inserting an “angle.” I guess my angle could be “to each her own” every, single, time – but that’s just not how I think. I don’t see anything wrong with women disagreeing about how to raise their children.  I don’t see anything wrong with women not being polite to each other all the time.

When the term first surfaced, it spoke to the demands of mothers in the workforce – especially those in demanding positions – who were forced to juggle work and home life. The term was first used in the 1980’s in Child Magazine, to describe the tensions that existed between those mothers who went back to work and those who chose to stay at home. So yes, it was literally created by the media. Now it’s a myth perpetuated by it – just thrown around flippantly whenever mothers debate about anything.

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