In Defense Of The Mom From “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
I love Christmas. Everything about the holiday makes me happyâ€“ decorated trees, Christmas lights, gifts, cocktails, and even Christmas music. Invariably, the Christmas episodes on TV shows are my favorite, I canâ€™t get enough of Christmas movies, and I cry every time Meg Ryan decorates the damn tree in â€œYouâ€™ve Got Mail.â€ Then again, that doesnâ€™t feel like my fault. Joni Mitchell is playing. What, am I supposed to sit there, not crying?
Thereâ€™s a few standbys around this time of year that Iâ€™ve come to expect: weird dudes trying to get girls to go on horse-drawn carriage rides, holiday parties where I am the only person not wearing an ugly sweater, and some tired version of â€œâ€˜Baby Itâ€™s Cold Outsideâ€™: Is This Seasonal Favorite Really About Rape Culture?â€ It happens every year, and every year, the answer is yes. Yes, â€œBaby Itâ€™s Cold Outsideâ€ really crosses a lot of boundaries and makes many people (me included) very uncomfortable. We should banish it from our Christmas Pandora (yeah, I still use Pandora because I find Spotify to be confusing. What of it?) stations and move on to a new song.
Who here likes â€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?â€ No one, obviously. That song is weird and gross and you know why? The creep factor doesnâ€™t come from some deeply voiced dude being like â€œyouâ€™re hurting my pride by not letting me put my candy cane inside you and if you go outside you will die from inclement weather.â€ No, itâ€™s far worse. The kid is the creep.
First of all, letâ€™s take this from the infidelity angle. Letâ€™s just say your mom is cheating on dad with Santa Claus and youâ€™re peeping around the corner like some sick lunatic gleefully watching your mom do weird stuff to some dude whoâ€™s not your dad. If you see that, shouldnâ€™t you have other feelings? Like â€œoh my goodness, my mother is having an affair with an intruder dressed in a weird garment. Iâ€™m probably going to have to go to therapy.â€ Also, I hope you can understand that your mother is a person and if she cheated on your dad, sheâ€™s not a bad person necessarily, sheâ€™s a person who did a bad thing. And cheating is never acceptable but I hope in time youâ€™ll come to realize that even your parents arenâ€™t infallible.