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Momisms: 10 Ridiculous – And Real – Things We Said To Our Kids This Month

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Mommyish readers are the best. Because of your comments and conversation on the first Momisms piece, I’m back with Round 2. And I’ve got even more ridiculous, funny, and just plain weird things parents say to share with you. Because, let’s face it – our kids have made us all weird.

As for me? This month I definitely said: “No, apples don’t poop.” It seemed so logical until I said it out loud and then I realized – Nope. Ridiculous. My son and I thought pooping apples were so funny that we busted out the crayons and each made our own picture of an apple pooping. So yeah, Dad – I really am using that art degree.

But what about the rest of you? What hilarious nonsense have you been saying to your kids lately? Here are some of the funniest submissions I’ve received this month.

1. “Naked is not a costume.”

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Halloween! It’s a time to run around! Score candy! Dress up as anything or anyone! As long as you actually get dressed. My neighbor had to convince her son that he wasn’t allowed to go as “naked” and whatever he wanted to be would at least require pants. Pants – always ruining Halloween.

2. “Your brother’s penis is not a toy.”

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It couldn’t be a Momisms post without a penis mention. As a woman, I’ve never had a penis attached to my body, so I obviously can’t understand what makes them so irresistible to boys and men of all ages. As the mom of two boys though, I know at any given opportunity that if I can’t see my son’s hand, it’s on his penis. My friend’s son knows his penis is not a toy; but apparently he thinks his brother’s still is.

3. “Hey buddy, let’s save the dog food for the dogs.”

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Why is everything more appetizing to babies than their actual food? My toddler would rather try to eat his shoes, the grocery cart, or even my hair. And, never fail, every time I forget to pick up the cat’s food bowl, my son is running his hands through it, dumping it on the floor or trying to eat it. Not that he’s ever eaten a piece before I could get to him. Nope. Uh uh. I would never let that happen.

4. “Just because the dog poops in the yard doesn’t mean you can too.”

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I really, really don’t want to know if this was said after a question or an action. Let’s just hope that this dad didn’t have to pick up after his real baby in addition to his fur baby.

5. “Well, tell your brother that if he has The Power, I said you can have The Power, too.”

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It hasn’t been easy for me, but I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to deal with kids is to just be as silly as they are. You’re mad that your brother has a super power? So tell him I granted you one too. After all, if there’s anyone who can bestow super powers, it’s gotta be a parent.

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