being a mom

The 10 Stages Of Quitting Caffeine When You Have Small Kids

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At the start of 2015 I resolved myself to a daily ritual of self-harm in the form of giving up caffeine. I have a toddler and a 6-month-old, so this was pretty stupid. I’ve been going strong since the beginning of January and while I’m doing okay physically, I’d be a dirty lying liar if I told I wasn’t spending every waking moment dreaming about steaming lattes and sexy, curvaceous bottles of Coke Zero. It’s a process. If you’re also into bad decisions and would like to follow in my footsteps, here’s what the process of weaning yourself off the energy juice will look like:


Batman Dancing gif(via)

Who’s rocking this? I’m rocking this! This is going to be awesome! This is going to change my whole life! Down with caffeine! Exclamation points! This stage pretty much only lasts the first day because then everything is horrible.

2. Reality hits.


That second morning comes and the kids are up before dawn. No biggie. I’m just going to go over here and pour myself a quick cup of coff– oh my God coffee has caffeine. Oh no. This has all been a terrible misunderstanding. I was actually kidding and I don’t want to do this at all.

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