12 Things New Moms Forget To Do Once They Have Kids

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6. Shower

I’m told. I love me some showers, but I could understand if someone was like, “eh, fuck it.”

7. Talk To Other Adult Humans

I did great at my first post-baby adult get together. I was charming and hilarious and captivating. Until people started leaving and I said something like, “Bye guys! Go nigh-nights now? You goin’ nigh-nights? Okay, nigh-night!” Damn you, low alcohol tolerance after a year of not imbibing.

8. Eat

I would never eat. Not on purpose, I would just forget. And then suddenly, right around nap time, I would see half a meatball on the floor under the highchair and be STARVING. I’m not proud of everything I did, but I don’t regret any of it.

9. Read Books

Again, to be fair, maybe not everyone reads books like I read books. I need two hours at least to polish off a couple hundred pages or it’s not even worth it to me. Once school started two years ago, I spent the entire first day doing nothing but reading.

10. Take Care Of Your Car

I used to be that annoying person that preached the holy gospel of car care. After I had a kid I stopped irritating everyone about oil changes and tire rotations. I mean, I hadn’t gotten a pap smear for almost a decade. I value my ladybits more than my car, so that should offer some perspective.

11. Care About Pants

I hesitated to include this because I love pants. Real pants. My day doesn’t feel initiated unless there’s some denim chub rub going on somewhere, but I’m told this is a low priority for most parents.

12. Salvage Your Dignity

No shower, shoddy bra, Duggar hair, pants optional, and a feral grasp of language around other adults? Yeah, who has time for dignity?

(Image: PathDoc/Shutterstock)

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