Childrearing

12 Things New Moms Forget To Do Once They Have Kids

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mom-brain-forgetfulnessI’m going to be honest with you; I hate the phrases “pregnant brain” and “mommy brain”. I can’t really tell you why these two phrases get under my skin the way that they do. It must have something to do with the visceral reaction that I have whenever someone tags “mommy” onto any concept or moniker, because I can definitely get behind the idea of your brain turning to sludge after you have kids, at least temporarily.

There are a few things that I swear I kept “forgetting” to do after my kid was born. In truth, I’m not sure that I forgot about them as much as I did just use my own child as an excuse to not do anything that required a certain level of unpleasantness.

1. See A Gynecologist

I apologized to my gynecologist preemptively because before last year, the last time I went to a lady parts doctor was at my post-partum visit. I had no idea what she would find down there. Turns out, just my genitals. Thankfully.

2. See A Dentist

I also apologized to my dentist. To be completely fair here, I hadn’t been to a dentist since before I became a mother, but it just became so much easier to put off after I had a kid. When one of my back teeth sort of, well, crumbled, I couldn’t put it off any longer.

3. See Any Doctor, Really

I don’t know why, but despite the fact that my own child has never missed a single doctor’s appointment, I don’t have a general practitioner or family doctor. This is why urgent care was invented.

4. Buy A Bra

I own two bras. A sports bra, and a bra bra. I long for more bras, but with sweater puppets like these, one of my bras costs the same as three pair of shoes for my kid. It just feels wrong to get an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder for myself. Also, I know some people love to shop, but I’m just not one of them. Bra shopping ranks high up on my list of shit I would rather not do.

5. Get A Haircut

My last haircut was in February of 2012. I’m starting to look like a Duggar, so I might have to bite the bullet on this one soon. I keep telling myself I want to try some sweet braids. I never try sweet braids.

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