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Wearing Your Baby Is Not As Easy As It Looks

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I went online and Googled “Moby wrap how.” A YouTube linked popped up so I followed it to the page. To my delight there were dozens of videos detailing how to get this thing wrapped around my body. I chose the one with the Dad. He doesn’t even have a maternal instinct working in his favor. If he could do it, so could I.

I quickly realized my assumption about maternal instinct is wrong. There is some super soothing massage-room music playing and this guy looks more at ease slipping his tiny infant into his expertly wrapped Moby, than I have ever looked about anything. I close my computer. I was going to figure this out on my own, damnit.

I started with the basic wrap. I gathered all of the fabric and attempted to cross it over my shoulders like the calm lady I had seen in the instruction manual. I was eight months pregnant and it was the middle of a hot New York summer. I immediately began sweating, but refused to give up. The frenzied wrapping began.

This way, too short!

This way, too long!

That way, I look like a fat hippy!

My baby wasn’t born yet and I was already failing at motherhood. I don’t like to fail, so I decided I was going to return the baby accessory from hell. I don’t even want to tell you how hard it was to get that thing back into it’s rolled state. I was broke and desperate for another carrier that I would be able to use – so I managed to figure it out.

I ended up with one of those carriers that looks like an ugly backpack. I looked like a linebacker in it, but my baby felt secure and comfortable so that’s all that really mattered. I still get a little envious when I see women who can pull off the baby wrap – but it’s not for me. I’m pregnant with number two, but I still don’t think it’s in the cards.

On Friday I got an email from my birthing center.

Hi Maria,
Just wanted to let you know that you won the Moby Wrap in the raffle!  Do you want to pick it up at your appointment on Wednesday, 2/20?  If that works for you, just remind us when you’re here!
Also- do you mind if I announce that you won the Moby on Facebook?  If you don’t want me to use your full name, I could just say “Maria G.”

The universe is clearly mocking me. Oh, well. Guess I’m trying again.

(photo:  Andrey Kozachenko / Shutterstock)

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