Try To Remember That Mother’s Day Sucks For A Lot Of Women
About five years ago, I experienced a string of back-to-back miscarriages. The last- and most traumatic one – happened the day before my 12-week ultrasound. It was devastating.
As luck would have it, a close friend of mine and I had become pregnant within a week of each other. We had the same due date. She had also struggled with pregnancy loss, and we were so thrilled for each other – and happy to be going through our pregnancies together. Until mine ended.
My due date would have been in June. As the date approached, my friend of course grew gorgeously pregnant. I’m a photographer, so I did a pregnancy sitting for her. She had an amazing baby shower. Every little event seemed to prepare me for the impending due date that wouldn’t be mine. Surprisingly, I handled every event pretty well. I didn’t have any major breakdowns. It wasn’t until the month before her baby came – on Mother’s Day – that I felt the sting of what had happened to me.
I worked in a neighborhood restaurant in Brooklyn at the time. I didn’t have cause to take the day off – I wasn’t a mother. If I had thought about it at all, I would have given myself a break and realized that I needed it off more than any woman with a child in tow. Every happy family, every pregnant belly, every smiling mother sent a dagger of pain right through me. Why not me? Why?
At the moment I almost felt I couldn’t hold it together I got a text from one of my best friends from home. It said, “Happy Mother’s Day to the amazing mother I know you will be to your children someday and the incredible one you have already been to the ones you have lost.” Yes, it made me break down for a minute – but it was also one of the nicest gestures I had ever gotten.
I’ve spoken a lot about the many women who experience loss and don’t talk about it. Well, if you have one of those women in your life, remember today what she has been through – and that this might not be the easiest day for her to endure. When you go through the pain of pregnancy loss – you have been a mother. You have lost a child, although most people won’t treat you that way.
So Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers that won’t be rewarded with the smile of their child today. It’s your day, too.