If You Apply To Jobs For Your Kids, Plan On Them Living At Home Forever
There are a number of unspeakable things that I would consider doing for my daughter, from now until adulthood, all in the name of maternal love. I think we’ve all done this, right? Made a mental list of things that we would do for our kids in impossible situations? And while I would seriously consider a number of felonies on her behalf should someone hurt her, there is one thing that after this morning I swore I would never, EVER do, no matter the stakes.
Yes, people do this, according to this thread on Reddit, which was started by a hiring manager who got a unique application:
“Today I received a cover letter and a resume from a parent. So intrigued by this, myself and my coworkers googled the girl and after finding her Facebook, realized the daughter was 26.
WTF indeed, internet stranger. I guess this really doesn’t surprise me. At my last job, I sometimes looked over applicant resumes, and more than one came from the parents of a candidate, the resume’s pages still ruffled by the thwap of helicopter blades. Another large group of clueless young whippersnappers sent in resumes that defied imagination, rife with clip art and listing skills like:
“Is totally bitchin’ at handling customer complaints.”
“i can fix ur internet prooblms.”
“I type so many motherfucking words a minute you don’t even KNOW.”
Other posters on the Reddit thread added their own stories about parents and spouses (!) submitting cover letters, CVs, and resumes on behalf of their loved ones.
“Oh no, just…no. I’ve had this happen several times at various vets I’ve worked for. There’s something about a vet office that makes people say ‘Yes, I will forcibly drag my teen or adult child here and tell them to hire my child because we have a dog and she likes it and feeds it sometimes’.”
“We had a former part-time employee’s father come in one day and ask if he could have more hours at the company. That employee was 30 years old. Part of me felt embarrassed the other part just felt awful. He would also routinely have his parents call out sick for him. I just don’t get it.”
“We are a medical facility. More than half of our staff has a professional license of some type. I always want to ask if mommy helped them study for the boards too…”
Wow. Just…wow. The love that I have for my daughter does not extend to tying my apron strings so tightly around her that it cuts off the circulation to her brain. There are some things that kids just have to learn to do for themselves, and it does amuse and horrify me that according to some people, this isn’t one.
I am a mean and horrible mother. I will teach my child to do her own laundry and change her own oil and fill out her own applications to Generic Minimum Wage Summer Jobs, Inc. all by her little lonesome, bathing in the sweet rejuvenating power of her tears because the point of raising a child is to turn them into a functioning adult, is it not?
If you are considering doing this for your kids, at least be a better liar and pretend you actually are your kid, because the consensus on the thread and at my old job was that any application coming in from a parent went straight into the trash can. So yeah, I’d be surprised if this has ever worked for anyone in the history of ever. And if you drop your kid off in front of a strip mall to go get an application, just do them a favor and wait in the helicopter.