Childrearing

Math Problems You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Mom

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fight3. It is 2 p.m. If one child is running in direction X at 12 miles an hour, and the other child is skipping in the opposite direction at speed T-A, how many hours will the children spend fighting before bed at 9 p.m.? Show your work.

 

4. At 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, how much wine has been consumed?
a) None
b) Not enough
c) Too much
d) A glass

 

pooh bothers5. By the time a mother’s kids are aged five, how many f*cks does she have left to give?
a) 0
b) 0
c) 0
f) all of the above

ANSWER KEY:


1. c. Child picks up bead, goes to put it in the bead box, can’t get the box open, and instead of asking, yanks the cover off, spilling every single bead you’ve ever owned onto the floor of your home to be washed away by your tears alone.
2. d. All of the candy. For more information see answer five.
3. b. As soon as “a mother” hits post though, she’s off to remedy the wine situation.
4. The kids have approximately 7 hours to kill before they sleep. They’ll spend two of those eating, two playing, one cleaning up, one watching television, and one whining.

That leaves them SEVEN hours to fight until bed.

The running is irrelevant and not correlated to the fighting.

5.


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