Stylish Pregnant Women Don’t Wear Men’s T-Shirts With Pudding Stains On Them – Like I Did

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dmcI know some of our readers let a man put his penis inside of them and are now with child and growing their baby bumps with every passing day and being all glowy and shit. Congrats. What the hell are you guys wearing? Because according to this article in IOL Lifetsyle, you are all taking your maternity fashion cues from the two K’s, Kim Kardashian and Kate Middleton:

“I am excited to be tracking both Kim Kardashian and Kate Middleton’s maternity style in 2013,” she said. “These two girls have babies that are roughly due at the same time and yet are polar opposites in how they dress. It is going to be a blast to compare and contrast their pregnancy style. Cover up versus letting it all hang out?”

As we’ve seen with Kim in her first trimester, she has kept to her usual style of edgy, revealing clothes. On New Year’s Eve, she wore a black lace dress, which barely covered her body.

The next few days she was spotted wearing a see-through black shirt and a blue dress with cut-outs that exposed her ample cleavage and top part of her stomach.

Kate, meanwhile, has been in her usual demure dresses. She has only been spotted three times since the announcement: in a navy overcoat leaving the hospital; at the BBC Sports Awards in an emerald green Alexander McQueen dress; and on Christmas Day wearing a red coat dress.

There is nothing in this article about wearing threadbare leggings and oversized T-shirts with stains on them. Nothing. Which was sort of my maternity fashion staples, except that one time when I had an event to attend and I purchased this truly hideous empire-waisted number that I think actually had a lace collar and tiny little flowers on it. Truly awful. I wore a lot of slides on my feet and yoga pants and hoodies and undershirts. I was not a pretty mom-to-be. I think when it was really hot out I relied on maxi-dresses, but those usually were wrinkled and sorta flow-y, not exactly Vogue cover material.

I was just so tired. And I saw no point in blowing $100 on a maternity T-shirt from A Pea In The Pod when I could just buy a $13 one from Target. Is everyone wearing $300 maternity dresses and I just don’t know about it? I can totally understand still wanting to look hot and wear nice clothing when being pregnant, I guess I just felt like brushing my teeth and my hair were enough of a fashion statement for me.

I will confess that with my last pregnancy I decided I needed super long hair extensions (which makes no sense, considering my hair is already long) and I spent way too much money getting human hair ones and two days after I gave birth I sat on my living room floor crying while nursing my daughter and I demanded my mother remove them with a razor blade. True story. I still have a creepy box of human hair in my basement. That was the only maternity fashion statement I made. Wasting money and then getting annoyed when my hair got in the way and made my scalp sore.

(Photo: A Pea In the Pod)