Mariah Carey’s Instagram Pic Proves All Us Moms Are Basically Mariah Carey Watching America Idol

It never fails. Every year I attempt to watch American Idol and every year I stop watching after about three episodes. But I totally have to watch this year because my doppelgänger Mariah Carey is one of the judges and and I totally have my fingers crossed that she will become crazy Mariah, you know, the same crazy Mariah who changed her name to MiMi and had a very public nervous breakdown and showed up at Old Dirty Bastard‘s funeral dressed like Joan Crawford. Now, you may not consider Mariah our doppelgänger but she totally is, because last night when we were all watching the season premier she was also watching, wearing pajamas and curled up in bed with her daughter Monroe. Basically the only difference is Mariah’s pajamas did not have an ice cream stain on them.

I felt so bad for Mariah because as a mom I’m sure it must be so hard to sit there and tell these poor kids that no, they are not going to Hollywood when the kid is actually one of those super sincere kids who actually believes they have talent like that adorable little 15-year-old Asian kid with the heavy glasses. Also, American Idol is so racist. I am so tired of them either having these sly jabs at any Asian performer or like they pulled last night with the Turban Indian guy who actually had a pretty decent voice and bucketfulls of charisma. We so could have done without the weird short Turbanator thing that basically depicted him as a terrorist. Lame. And I also hate it when they just have weird people on because it’s all very awkward and sometimes you can’t tell if the person actually believes they have talent or they are just being a jerk face and trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.

I let my daughter stay up and watch the first few minutes of AI, and she was snugged in bed with me, just like Mariah!, but then I sent her off to bed with promises she would watch the episode after school. But now I have to sit there with her and watch the same episode all over again and explain to her how it’s not funny to make fun of people’s accents or that even though she wants a wig like Nicki Minaj she can’t have one until she’s 16. Back when they were taping Idol I recall hearing that there was huge tension and cat fights between Nicki and Mariah but it was hard for me to tell if they actually do despise each other, or if this thing was all manufactured to drum up publicity for the show, because no one cares about Keith Urban.

Can someone explain Keith Urban to me? Please? I don’t get the appeal, at all. I don’t see how so many people describe him as “sexy” when he has weird scarecrow hair. I think basically what happened is he was the first normal human Nicole Kidman saw after escaping  divorcing Tom Cruise so she decided to marry him. 

I’ll stick around a bit for Mariah, because she is totally amazing, but I have a feeling I will either lose interest quickly like I do every other season or else end up falling asleep during episodes like I am apt to do. But as long as my daughter has interest I will continue watching it, because there is no way I’m letting her see this show without my mumsy lectures droning on in the background.

(Photo: Instagram)