Childrearing

Dude Takes Out Ad For Fake Wife And Baby, Because Even Pretend Dads Have It Easier In The Workplace

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dude-buys-fake-family-craigslistA college student believes people with families are unfairly favored with more money and better treatment in the workplace, but he has a brilliant plan to combat that lack of Family Dude Privilege and it absolutely cannot fail: He will hire a fake wife and baby on Craigslist.

This is the plot of a million movies, but I wish this one were a movie too because I would do almost anything to watch this guy’s terrible plan crash and burn around him. According to Jezebel, the man is a college student who returned to school after several years away, and he’s committed himself to furthering his career and getting as much money as possible by … posing with a fake baby on Instagram.

Our friendly neighborhood crazy dude writes:

I have personally witnessed many cases of favoritism towards married employees or employees with children, the idea being that they have more of an incentive to be a devoted worker then others might and are therefore deserving of a better wage regardless of actual performance. The internet has loosely confirmed this. I have even witnessed a hiring manager become furious upon hearing the starting wage of a young man recently hired into a company claiming that “Single people don’t need that much money”, which got me thinking. This is where you and your kids come in.

You might think that you and your baby are supposed to negotiate with hiring managers on this guy’s behalf, or that he will whip your photo out during salary negotiations as part of his explanation about why he needs more money. But his actual plan is to take sweet photos with you and your baby and just seed those over social media so that potential employers will see them and offer him more money out of the blue.

Approximately six months before I formally begin searching for a job, I will post approximately 12-24 photos of my “family” and my “life”, meshed together to create an entirely phony yet truly believable picture of myself. If everything goes as planned, whatever branch of whatever organization that looks into my background pending being hired for my first real job will be inevitably perusing my Facebook page and more and will come to the conclusion that I am deserving of a “Family Man” level of compensation. If the secret gets out that I live alone, have no children, and spend the majority of my disposable income on restoring vintage cars I could find myself in a vastly different income bracket since it will be perceived that I can get by on less- MUCH less. This will not stand. This is how these people think supposedly. It’s so crazy it just might work.

Why did people start saying, “It’s so crazy it just might work,” anyway? Nobody ever says, “This plan is so logical and comprehensive and addresses all situational variables and legal requirements, it just might work.”

But I have seen enough movies to know that this plan can only end with a heartwarming romance between this crazy corporate dude and the big-hearted mom who agrees to let him pretend to be her husband on Facebook.

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