Weird News
Reddit Is The Worst Place In The World For Many Things, Like Providing Live Updates Of Your Wife’s Affair
Reddit. I don’t understand it. To me, it’s a confusing place filled with randomness. For example, the first two links on the home page right now are, “How to blind your girlfriend,” and, “TIL fruit stickers are made out of edible paper. Even the glue is food grade.” It’s also well-known as a place where you can find pictures of dead children and upskirt photos of teenagers. And, apparently, it’s also where you give strangers live updates about your wife’s affair. A couple of days ago, a Redditor with the screen name “MyLifeSuxNow” (uh, a spoiler alert would have been nice)
A couple of days ago, a Redditor with the screen name “MyLifeSuxNow” (uh, a spoiler alert would have been nice) posted on Reddit’s relationship board that he was pretty sure his wife was cheating on him and wanted the internet to tell him if he should get a divorce or start following her to get proof. That is because the internet is the right place to go for well-thought-out, reasonable advice about your most personal problems.
Reddit was all, “Hire a PI! And keep us posted!” And the dude was like, “Yeah, ok!” And that’s where things went bananas. The story was first written up on UpRoxx, which is where the good folks at Jezebel found it and shared the insanity. I say, “insanity” because  MyLifeSuxNow started sharing detailed updates in real time about what he was learning about his wife’s affair. From UpRoxx:
(5:15pm) 1/16/2015: Private Investigator hired to tail her Saturday, Sunday and Monday
(6:00pm) 1/16/2015: It took a while, but passwords to everything changed, backed up personal info, created throwaway email to send proof to.
(6:47pm) 1/16/2015: She’s home, It really sucks speaking to her normally, but I’m dealing with it. No sex. Also, I’ve found 3 excellent divorce lawyers for myself. Luckily I make much more than her so I can afford an excellent lawyer while she can only afford a mediocre one at best.
(8:13pm) 1/16/2015: Hired a divorce lawyer (pricey) but he’s known to do excellent work. I’m in good hands. It’s tempting to have sex, my soon to be ex-wife is trying extra hard to seduce me tonight for some reason. She’s either super horny or is trying to get me to have sex with her as a form of infidelity forgiveness.
(8:54pm) 1/16/2015: Goddammit she’s on her phone texting again in the bathroom. I can hear the send button being pressed over and over. It’s probably nudes and sexy talk. Jeesus this hurts.
(9:55pm) 1/16/2015: She went to bed, I’m sitting here watching TV on my laptop. She’s trying to initiate sex, I of course have to decline. I went to have sex with her but I’ll control myself. Despite what she did being unforgivable, she’s still beautiful on the outside.
“Wow,” said Reddit. “I guess we should have figured that it might go this way when we asked you for updates, though the time stamps are a bit of a surprise. Um, do you have any friends you can talk to? Or maybe your wife would be a good person to ask about this?” Nah, I’m kidding. Reddit was totally into it.
