Man Attacked by Panda After Climbing into Cage to ‘Impress Women’
Some men are always complaining that it’s impossible to know what women want. That’s a bit confusing, because women are people, and while we want many different things, one can often find out what those things are by asking. We might want love, respect, companionship, personal and professional fulfilment, bodily autonomy, equal pay, equal rights, and avocado toast. Sometimes we want more complicated things, but even then one would be hard-pressed to find a single woman who wants a dude who would climb into a panda enclosure at the zoo. But that happened this week, because a dude says he wanted to impress some women, and he appears to have decided that fucking with an endangered animal was a good way to go about that.
According to the South China Morning Post, a 20-something man wanted to show off for two women that he had gone to the zoo with, so he climbed over a 4.5-foot fence and then leapt across a 9-foot ditch to get into the panda enclosure at the Nanchang Zoo. That’s pretty impressive in itself. If he wanted to impress people, he could have just jumped over some things like that. Messing with zoo animals is not required.
A 12-year-old giant panda named Mei Ling was sleeping in his enclosure when the guy walked up to him. Mei Ling might look like a big stuffed animal, but he weighs 265 pounds and has giant, razor sharp claws. Seriously, dude. It’s a fucking bear.
We say “don’t poke the bear,” for a reason, but this guy decided to literally poke the bear. We also say “let sleeping dogs lie,” and that goes double for sleeping bears. But this guy walked up to the napping panda and poked him, because this guy is an idiot. The panda awoke with a start, and instantly grabbed his new playmate by the legs and wrestled him to the ground and started tossing him around.
Realizing that he had done something transcendently stupid, the man tried to run away, but you can’t really run away from a bear that is holding you by the legs and tossing you around. People outside the enclosure watched in horror as the panda knocked the man over and tossed him around. They also filmed it.
The man did manage to get away and run out of the enclosure, but his pants were torn to shreds. Fortunately neither he nor the panda was harmed in the altercation, and zoo managers say the man was really lucky that Mei Ling just seemed to want to play with him, because if Mei Ling had actually wanted to hurt him, he could easily have been killed.