being a mom

According To The Malaysian Government, All My Sons Are Gay

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shutterstock_2911913Thank you, dear government of Malaysia, for giving me a handy list that I can check off in order to know if my sons are gay. I have looked at this list, and now I have discovered that my sons are gay, my husband-gay, my father was also gay and every other man in the world, totally gay. Because you know what the Malaysian government claims is a total “tell” when it comes to male homosexuality? No, it’s not being a homosexual, it’s the wearing of V-neck shirts and sweaters. If you are a man and you are reading this, you better go check your dresser drawers because you are probably gay too.

Ya’ll have NO idea, seriously, the majority of the last few weeks since Christmas my life has been consumed with buying v-necks for my sons. The eldest received some nice, distressed looking v-neck shirts for Christmas and my middle-son is madly in love with these shirts and keeps stealing him from his brother’s drawers. When my oldest sees his younger brother wearing his shirts he gets all cranky, which I can fully understand, so now I’m always on the prowl looking for more v-neck item for the both of them so that they can stop bickering about who gets to wear what. Now I know that these kids are just having a bitchy gay-fight about fashion. From our good pals at The Daily Mail:

More than 80 years after first being sold the V-neck sweater remains as popular with both men and women.

But in Malaysia wearing that type of sweater is considered a clear sign that the person could be gay.

Government officials in the Far East country have issued a series a pointers to parents that they say are telltale signs of homosexuality.

Among them is the wearing of a V-neck sweater as well as a preference for sleeveless T-shirts.

Teenagers who wear tight, light-coloured clothes and possess a ‘chiseled’ physique are also inclined to be gay.

The so called tell tale signs were issued Teachers Foundation of Malaysia and backed by the Government.

The country’s deputy education minister Mohd Puad Zarkashinot said few people in the Muslim country understood or knew the early ‘symptoms’ of homosexuality, bisexuality and transgender inclinations to prevent its spread.

Ten seminars have so far been held in Malaysia where the how-to-spot gay tendencies were delivered to parents.

More than 1,500 people turned up to the most recent to hear Zarkashinot say the guidelines were being issued to help children stay away from ‘unhealthy activities’.Homosexuality is illegal in Malaysia and has been described as being against the ‘order of nature’.


Ugh and ugh. Now, I don’t live in Malaysia and it’s hard for me to fully understand what it’s like to live in a country where this sort of bigoted weirdness goes on. In Malaysia , the Film Censorship Board will only allow homosexual characters to be shown in movies if the character either dies or changes their gay-ways. The government censored Lady Gaga’s Born This Way” because they felt it was too gay. Sodomy is a criminal offense in Malaysia punishable with a jail term of up to 20 years, as well as by lashing. It’s a very sucky place to be gay.

The list also says that your daughter is gay if she enjoys hanging out with and having sleepovers with other girls, so like every single young girl on the planet is gay. From what I know, none of my children are gay, but if it turns out I am wrong and they are, I am totally one gazillion percent cool with that. As long as they stop fighting over v-necks.

(photo: Jim Lopes/shutterstock)