Childrearing

10 Things That Need To Be Banned STAT To Make All Of Our Parenting Easier

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6. Caillou

rihanna no(via)

How is this whiny, smarmy monster allowed to occupy television time that could instead be devoted to more educational programming, like watching someone pick lint off carpeting? I could say “no” and change the channel, or I could be saved from having to enforce my own parenting decisions by the long arm of the law. Clearly, Caillou has to go.

7. Sharpies

john oliver no(via)

If you’ve ever walked into find your child giving herself a new not-so-temporary tattoo or creatively adding her own artsy touch to the kitchen wallpaper, you’ll understand where I’m coming from here.

8. Balloons

joel mchale community no(via)

Balloons are great, for the 7.8 seconds of happiness your child gets from it before they accidentally pop it or let go and watch it drift away into the sky. Making them illegal will save the kids, and therefore me, a lot of heartbreak.

9. Lad magazines

glee hell to the no(via)

If people can make the ridiculous argument that they shouldn’t have to explain marriage equality to their crappy kids, surely I shouldn’t have to explain misogyny to my kids. Let alone why Sports Illustrated‘s swimsuit edition considers a six-foot-two size 12 women “plus sized”.

10. Checkout lane candy

jennifer lawrence no(via)

I’m sure that the rows and rows of snacks lining each checkout lane at the grocery are very lucrative. They are also the invention of a sociopath. Please, no more.

(Image: Velazquez77/Shutterstock)

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