8 Hella Expensive Baby Products I Can’t Afford Because I’m Not An Idiot

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babyI love my coffee, so I’m not hating on Keurig. But I recently saw a new Keurig product made just for the frazzled parent, and no, it isn’t a fancy-schmancy coffee machine. It’s a fancy-schmancy baby formula dispenser called the Baby Brezza Formula Pro.

This pile of BS sells for a whopping $149. Who cares if you can barely afford formula each month? At least some beautiful machine will dispense it for you, and you won’t have to use your tired mom arms anymore. That must be worth its weight in gold—or, at least Keurig thinks so.

Crazy expensive baby products make little sense to me. Here are eight outrageously priced baby products that I’m not going to buy because I’m nobody’s fool:

1. Luxury Baby Bath: $2250

WUT. Even though the bath is advertised as the “best bathing experience possible,” I think an old bucket would do just fine in a pinch. Call me old-fashioned.

2. Bugaboo Donkey Twin Stroller: $1599

Why does this cost so MUCH? I bought my double stroller on eBay for around 100 bucks. If double strollers were this pricey, I would just carry one baby under my arm and hope for the best.

3. Luxury Baby Bassinet – Blue Angel Baby: $980

This froufrou bassinet makes me think of creepy Victorian babies, and it also costs AS MUCH AS MY MORTGAGE (*we live in Texas). Sorry, baby, the pack n’ play will have to do.

4. Kate Spade New York Harmony Baby Bag: $378


This Kate Spade bag is nice and all, but soon enough it will be filled with rolled-up dirty diapers and spit rags. That thought makes me cry a little on the inside.

5. Itsazoo Crib Canopy: $349

I couldn’t buy this because then my baby would have a nicer room than I do. Also, I hate to be the naysayer, but this looks like a crib suffocation hazard waiting to happen. Nope.

6. Lunt Beaded Sterling Silver Baby Cup: $335

Hmm. I’m not sure if a baby is supposed to drink out of this cup, or if it’s supposed to sit on a decorative shelf. Either way, I’d rather make my car payment.

7. ABC Jacquard Luxury Egyptian Cotton Baby Towels: $227

If my own linens are from Target, my baby will not be fluffed with Egyptian cotton after a bath. Not gonna happen.

8. Organic Playmat Fun Shapes: $129

What’s wrong with an organic playmat, you say? Where do I begin? This basic $20 mat costs well over $100, for starters. (But it’s organic!!!)