Don’t Consult Pinterest For Preschool Lunch Ideas Unless You Want To Feel Like The Laziest Mom Alive

The thought of preschool gives a lot of parents anxiety. Leaving your child in a building by himself for the first time and walking away, getting into your car, and driving off without him? Stressful, right? Sure, but it’s not the reason I was basically waking in a cold sweat over the thought of my child starting his first week of preschool. I was totally freaking about packing his first school lunch.

My son is three. He’s not a horrible eater or anything, but you know how kids are. One day he randomly loves something, the next day he hates it. He pretty much always loves peanut butter and jelly, so I figured that would be a safe bet. I visualized his first lunch box while lying awake in bed one night: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, grapes, string cheese, apple juice. Done! Hmm. Still can’t sleep. Maybe I’ll get up and consult Pinterest to see what other moms do…

Why? Why did I do this? Here are a couple things that forced me to lay awake, wondering why I am such an uninspired, lazy mom.


Holy crap. What the hell is this? I just went to Target, bought a Spiderman lunchbox and an Elmo sandwich box and called it a day. It didn’t even cross my mind to make a medley of edamame, fresh peas and whatever other delightful things this mom shoved into an ice tray. This is brilliant. I’m just a little worried about the message this sends his new teachers, which I’m pretty sure is I don’t fucking care that you are going to have to clean this all off the floor.


Okay, this is basically what I am making my child for lunch – only way better. This lunch is giving me an inferiority complex. Also, it’s making me feel like a philistine, because I thought it was Keith Haring inspired. Nope, Matisse. How can I confidently send my child to school with lunch if I can’t even appropriately identify Henri Matisse’s “Dancers” in sandwich form?

preschool lunch
Pinterest/ Kristina


Did you know that once your child is in preschool, food can’t be shaped like food anymore? Your lunch should have a theme and nothing should be in it’s organic form. Sandwiches are dolphins now. You see an orange, but someone who loves their kid more sees a boat.

The preschool lunch – just another way to realize that you are doing it all wrong, moms.


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