Mommyshame
It’s Cool You Don’t Want Kids But Don’t Hate Me For Loving Mine
Recently, I was reading an article on the decision to become a parent, and it seemed like the comments were filled with a lot of vitriol towards breeders. I think part of the problem is maybe the childfree have felt so ostracized and judged for the decision not to have kids that when they see an opportunity to share their stories they take it. Fair enough. But I have also noticed that on occasion I have shied away from discussing my own found bliss in parenting because if I do so, I will be seen as being a sanctimommy, or worse. It’s almost as if I personally feel like I am betraying the childfree by admitting a fundamental truth of my own identity – that I really love being a mom.
I don’t sugarcoat parenting. There truly are days that suck, that are hard, that are frustrating, that make me wonder why I ever had kids in the first place. But for me, for the most part, it’s the best thing in the entire world. At my very core, it’s who I am and who I want to be – a mom. If I can accept the fact some people never want to be parents why can’t I be accepted for this being the favorite part of who I am? I don’t shove my motherhood down the throats of others. I don’t mention my kids to the childfree unless they ask. But even then I have a hard time fully expressing what it’s like for me, the love I have, the utter joy I find in parenting because I worry that to do so will make me seem less than, that people will think I’m stupid because I take so much joy from the fact I have kids.
It’s not just the childfree by choice who make me feel this way. I know plenty of parents who have kids who act like admitting to loving their kids, or being in love with parenting, or loving the whole idea of family is to admit some sort of defeat. Cool people don’t like their kids. It’s almost as if we have become this generation of people who hold parenting at arm’s length, because to admit to loving it is seen as being an idiot. We can only parent with a healthy dose of irony.