Lindsay Lohan & Deongelo Holmes Prove That Some Celebrities Just Shouldn’t Drive

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Lindsay Lohan car crash

Lindsay Lohan's Porsche after it smashed into a semi

I think we can make it official. Some celebrities just shouldn’t be allowed to drive anymore. Maybe they should get a special license that requires more rigorous training and maintenance. I realize it seems a bit unfair, but I think it’s necessary for social welfare at this point.

Lindsay Lohan, who I’m amazed is still allowed to operate a motor vehicle, slammed in the back of an 18-wheeler today. Thankfully, both she and her assistant are reported to be okay, although they both had to be taken to the hospital. Lindsay claims that the accident wasn’t her fault and that the semi cut her off. While I hate to rub salt in the wounds, possibly literally, rear-ending someone is technically always your fault. Either way though, she has a totaled Porsche on her hands and another media blitz just when she was supposed to be pulling herself together.

Really, isn’t she supposed to be a movie set right now? Couldn’t Lifetime spring for a car service?

The second celebrity who proved my theory is a much lesser-known figure, but they are in much bigger trouble than a fender bender. Deongelo Holmes, who I’m sure you don’t remember from the Ying Yang Twins, was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol and possession of marijuana. Get Low, indeed. To make matters so much worse, he had his kids in the car. The little ones are 3 years and 2 months old. Thankfully no one was injured in what was obviously a very dangerous car ride.

Listen, I know that normal people make bad driving decisions everyday. I also know that it’s not quite fair to compare Lohan’s car accident (which doesn’t seem to involve drugs or alcohol at all) with Holmes’ arrest, which endangered the life of his two young children. I’m not acting like those two things are equal.

But the fact is that every time people get into a car, they’re possible threats to the rest of humanity. And the fact is that if I was Lindsay Lohan’s assistant, you’d never find me riding shotgun. Ever. Let’s think up some fair and balanced tests to make sure that our celebrities are ready for the responsibility of driving. It could be like it’s own elite version of driver’s education that they attend. Or we could ask them to pool their vast resources and provide drivers for everyone’s whose been profiled in People magazine. I’m just saying, it’s for everyone’s good.

(Photo: Obviously from TMZ)