Just Call Me A Lice Expert Because My Daughter Has Had Lice Four Times

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liveOne of the worst sentences that can come out of your child’s mouth is, “Mommy, my head is a little itchy.” As soon as my daughter said this to me one morning last week, my response was, “I’m calling the Lice Squad. They will come over tonight.”

I now consider myself a lice expert. My daughter has had lice four times already.

Now, I wasn’t exactly sure that she had lice – maybe she just had a dry scalp – but I was not taking any chances. After dropping her off at school (because I didn’t yet know for sure she had lice and she just had a school lice check the week before) I went home and called the Lice Squad, a business that deals with, um, lice.

“When do you want us to come?” they asked.

“Um, like tonight!”

The first time my daughter got lice was after returning from Jamaica where she got her hair braided. Three days after our return, she was scratching her head like a dog with fleas. The woman who came over to get out the lice told me NEVER to let her get her hair braided on vacation, unless I bring my own comb. So, the next time we went to Mexico, and my daughter wanted her hair braided, I brought my own comb. When we returned, three days later, my daughter again was scratching her head like she was a dog with fleas.

“Okay, NEVER again are you getting your hair braided.”

At my daughter’s school, if you get sent home with lice, you cannot just go to the drug store and buy the remedy. You HAVE to call a professional lice picker and then show the school the note from them. The funniest thing, to me, is that people are embarrassed when their children have lice. I’m not. I’m like, “Eh, here we go again.”

When I called the Lice Squad, they asked me, “Where do you want us to park?”

I answered, “Um, how about outside my house?” They told me they were just checking, because they have cars with the Lice Squad logo on it, and many parents demand that they park at least a block away, lest the neighbors find out that their children have lice. I’m more like, “Park wherever you want. Just get the damn lice out of her hair.”

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