Leave The Circumcision Decision To The One With The Junk

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When I found out I was having a boy, there were so many things I had to plan for—blue nursery bedding, adorable little boy onesies, and tiny baby shoes with guitars and skulls on them. I was all set.

As my due date approached, I started thinking about the boyness that was inside of me. Suddenly, it hit me: OH, SHIT, we have to make a decision about his junk! I don’t know if this counts as a TMI alert or a fact, but my husband is circumcised. And since my husband is the one with the junk in the family, I made the “circumcision decision” 100% his responsibility.

My husband decided like father, like son. I had no problem with that choice because, as a completely objective observer of the penis, I find circumcision to be aesthetically pleasing. I know this is the perfect opportunity for people to jump in with the “terrible, unnecessary mutilation” argument, and please, go right ahead. I will happily pass the buck back to my husband on this one: He has the junk, so he made the choice.

After seeing circumcision go down firsthand, not once but twice, I’m definitely pro-circumcision. With my first son, I was nervous about the whole ordeal. It became even more complicated after I had a birthing center birth; hospitals weren’t willing to take us in for circumcision since my son wasn’t born in a hospital setting. I even googled “mohel,” but what do you know—there is a serious mohel shortage in Texas.

Finally, FINALLY, we found a fancy-schmancy pediatrician that specializes in circumcision in a rich area of town. Our insurance sucks donkey balls, so we had to pay $600 for the “elective” procedure out-of-pocket for both kids. Again, I have already heard the argument of the unnecessary cruelty of circumcision. But as an objective observer without a penis, it appeared to be as painful as routine infant shots. The babies cried, the foreskin was snipped with a handy Plastibell device that fell off in a few weeks, and we called it a day.

Circumcision isn’t technically my business because I don’t have man parts to make it so. But based on my observations, I back my husband’s decision to circumcise both of our sons. There are no more kids in our future, but I fully endorse the tip snip.

(Image: Lana K/Shutterstock)