The Laws Of Parenting Physics
5. As naptime gets closer, the weight of a child approaches infinity.
Much like a cat that does not want to be lifted, a small child who wants a nap right. now. becomes heavier and heavier. Fortunately, unlike cats, small children are not equipped with retractable claws, although toddler teeth are unfortunately nearly as sharp as their feline counterparts.
6. A toddler travels between two points along the path of longest time.
For some reason, “come to dinner”, when interpreted in toddler-ese, translates as “please play with every toy in the living room, get into a fight with your sister over Lego bricks, and bring your winter boots to the kitchen table”.
7. A child in a bathtub displaces an amount of fluid equal to at least three times the amount of water you put in the tub in the first place.
How? How do they get water on the ceiling? Maybe because you refused to get them a pool, they decided to make their own on the bathroom floor.
8. Nature abhors a wall without fingerprints.
Why did your 24-year-old self think it was a good idea to paint all the walls in Matte Eggshell? I don’t know, but good luck explaining the smeared food and crayon marks over the doorjamb when you move out someday.
(Image: Guryanov Andrey/Shutterstock)