Labor (Pains) Day: The 26 Minute Delivery

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July 12th – I think I came to the brink of death and back again. The most intense two hours, well actually just one hour of bad intensity, of my life.

So depending on how you look at it I either had the longest labor on the planet (starting in week 32 when I started having weird contractions), or one of the shortest. Either way, 9:30 pm Thursday night laying in bed reading a Stephen King novel was my first sign of questioning that something was starting, and at 11:42 pm that same night I was holding my baby girl.

I made dinner for us – Jambalaya from scratch, to which I added some Tabasco sauce. Figured the spicy food wouldn’t hurt! I was feeling umm, a little backed up, so I chugged a shot of castor oil, knowing at the very least I would, you know, feel SOME relief from THAT. So off on our walk we went. I remember feeling like a woman on a mission while walking, even though I really wasn’t FEELING anything. I had maybe 3 contractions the whole walk, but still, wasn’t excited about it – cause i’ve had more action before.

We got home and put the girls in bed, then I decided to take a bath to relax. I got out, got ready for bed and laid down in bed to read. About three minutes later I felt a STRONG contraction, checked the time just to see, ok, I’ll see if these get into a pattern at all. I had two more about four minutes apart, then had to SUDDENLY get up to run to the bathroom from one of those lovely bladder kicks. I put my hand down there (like, what did i think i could stop myself from peeing?) but noticed i was already soaked. I think the thought MIGHT have crossed my mind that my water broke, but more I was just DEPRESSED thinking I had fully lost all control of bodily function and was really in for a miserable week ahead!

After this bathroom trip, I noticed some of that pinkish show and thought – well YAY! This might actually happen in the next day or two! So i went back to bed to read feeling very encouraged. Didn’t really have any more contractions but DID feel a horrible gas pain/pressure. Great. This must be the castor oil kicking in finally right? Nope. Nothing. I was sitting there cursing my IBS for flaring up NOW, at the end of a pregnancy! By this time it is 10:40, and on my way back to bed I just KNEW, ok its time to go.

Ben was watching TV and I muttered out through clenched teeth, suitcase in hand – “we need to go NOW.” He jumped up and got the puppies in their cage and woke up the girls and i said – pick me up on the sidewalk I have to keep walking. Called my sister (who thankfully lives two minutes away from the hospital) and again managed to only say – “meet at hospital NOW. Ben will call.” Ben picked me up down the street from our house and we started the long painful drive to Rush.

As it was, we had to park in handicap, lock the girls in the car, and Ben had to walk me up the stairs to the L&D unit. I cannot describe how long of a walk that is when you are contracting hard. then of course we had to register. I couldn’t talk and just kept pacing in circles trying to keep my mind off the overwhelming pain. we got into a room, ben went to go get the girls and park the car and find my sister, and they wanted me to put on a gown. I was like – if i take off my pants I think I will pee on the floor.

The nurse checks me and frantically starts pushing the call button – “NEED HELP STAT!!! She’s a nine!!!!!”

I was just mesmerized by watching their routine and it took my mind off the pain. Well, as much as you can have your mind taken off that kind of pain. I remember my sweet, sweet nurse Suzanne trying to gently break the news to me that they would not have time to set up the tub for the water birth, nor would I be likely to get any relief from pain meds. I am like – look, I am about to poop on this bed I DO NOT GIVE A RIP about the water birth at this point!!!

Everything else happened in kind of a blur while I was sitting there still in shock over this teeny tiny little peanut of a baby I had just delivered about 26 minutes after getting to the hospital!

So after two hours of labor, two quick pushes, two wraps of the cord around her neck, and two stitches later, I wasn’t pregnant anymore.