I’m Still A Sanctimommy, So There

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puppyI love how my colleagues have all written these awesome, brave, truthful pieces about how they were once a Sanctimommy, but after having kids they changed their ways and are now a lot more forgiving of other parents. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I’m still Sanctimommy, so there.

I’m not sure why or how I haven’t changed my know-it-all, Bad-Mom-Advice givin’, holier-than-thou-Mommy self, but I just haven’t. Maybe because what I always knew before I ever opened my legs and let a man put a baby inside of me still holds true today. The majority of us moms know exactly what the hell we are doing so everyone else can just shut the fuck up.

When I first discovered I was pregnant, like Amanda Low, I also treated my newfound delicate condition like a full-time job, reading every book I could get my hands on, planning the future of my unborn child when it still resembled a reject from a casino buffet shrimp cocktail, carefully laundering onesies in Dreft before they ever touched the skin of my precious newborn. I looked at moms with older babies and toddlers and thought to myself as I watched them raise their voices to their kids or give their high-chair spawn French fries or let them pick their noses in public that I WILL NEVER BE LIKE THESE PEOPLE.

And I’m still not.

Maybe I’m terribly stubborn, maybe I’m sort of anal about how I do what I do, but I really believe that I’m one of the best parents out there who doesn’t need advice from anyone, and I always have felt that way about myself. Yay me!

Yeah, yeah, I know my mom could come along at any moment and tell me that she can remember holding my bebes (or me) and swaddling them just because couldn’t get them to fall asleep after the ninth round of nursing in a three-hour period. Or me calling her for middle-of-the-night advice when one of my kids was teething but I would usually take her advice or copy her technique and run with it. I caught on to mommyhood pretty quickly, and I have always been confident in my ability to do what is right for my kids. And when I see other moms doing their mom thing, I am also pretty confidant they know what the hell they are doing too. This doesn’t mean that I still don’t read parenting books or that I still won’t turn to someone else when I’m having a hard time with one of my own, and ugh, really, I LOVE talking about  parenting and giving out advice and sharing horror stories (So, please, YES! Submit your questions for Bad Mom Advice!).

But I just feel like I know what I am doing. And if you wanna know another secret, being a parent just isn’t that hard.

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