Every parent has that idyllic vision of taking their kids to an Easter egg hunt all clad in their adorable outfits and them stooping gracefully to pluck eggs from tender, green grass as they smile for our perfectly timed Instagram shots. Unfortunately, that’s rarely how it goes. There are messes, spills, fights, and tears. More often than not, egg hunts turn into a comedy of errors with a complete cast of interesting characters. Here are eight kids you meet at every Easter egg hunt:
1. The Elite Competitive Egg Hunter.
This kid has been groomed for perfection. They’re at the starting line fastening their special egg hunting gloves and they’re off before the gun goes off. If there’s a prize involved in this outing, you should just go ahead and give it to them.
2. The Bully.
What this kid lacks in speed and agility, he makes up for by knocking smaller kids over and stealing their eggs. What a jerk.
3. The Sneaky Thief.
Like the bully, this kid prefers to do their hunting in other children’s baskets, but they’re less forceful about it. Your toddler bends down to grab an egg, they bend down to slip three out of his basket. It’s like taking candy from a baby. No, really, it is.
4. The Kid Who Wants All The Eggs. Now.
This is a polite way of saying ‘the spoiled brat.’ This kid wants all the spoils with none of the effort. They’ll probably team up with the bully at some point.
5. The Wanderer.
Is this an egg hunt? This kid had no idea. He’s been out in the middle of the field, picking his nose and making daisy chains.
6. The Kid Who Thinks You’re His Mom.
This kid is too distracted and overwhelmed for facial recognition. They’ll just keep tugging at your skirt yelling, “Mom. Mom! Mommy! Mom. Mom. Mom!” until finally their real mom runs over and pulls them away. Don’t worry, they’ll be back in a few minutes.
7. The Overdressed Kid.
This poor kid would love to participate in the Easter egg hunt, but they can’t move beneath their piles of lace, buttons, ties, and bows. Easter is a special occasion and all, but was the top hat with mounted bird’s nest full of Faberge eggs really necessary?
8. The Candy Glutton.
This kid ends the hunt with a nearly empty basket, as they’ve just been scooping up eggs, popping them open, and horking down the candy this whole time. The only remaining chocolate-covered thing in this scenario is the kid. Hope you remembered baby wipes.