Katy Perry May Have The Tackiest Divorce Story Ever

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katy perryI don’t expect celebrity tales of romance and divorce to be civil — or even remotely functional. These are people with egos the size of continents, with mirroring bank accounts, who spend a good chunk of the year away from their partners making the money for those bank accounts, usually by being around obscenely attractive people. Generally, those ingredients do not for a solid partnership make. But how sucky would it be to hear from your husband that’s he’s divorcing your ass via text message? Why, let’s ask Katy Perry!

The 28-year-old divorcee tells Vogue that she isn’t exactly chatty with her ex-husband Russell Brand these days. And it’s easy to see why:

“He’s a very smart man, and I was in love with him when I married him,” Perry says. “Let’s just say I haven’t heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011.”

A text? Why not just a Twitter direct message? Was Facebook down? Nearly two years down the line though, Katy doesn’t seem pissed. She’s “moved on” and all that Eat, Pray, Love jargon:

 “At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they’re like, I can’t handle the equalness. He didn’t like the atmosphere of me being the boss on tour. So that was really hurtful, and it was very controlling, which was upsetting. I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day. I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”

That’s a lot of “equal” and “equalness” from Perry considering how she is “not a feminist,” to quote her directly. Feminism and equalness? Six of one and half a dozen of the other.

(photo: Cousart-Rayne/JFXimages/