Childrearing

Conspiracy Theorists Say Princess Charlotte Is Too Cute To Be A Real Newborn

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The Duke And Duchess Of Cambridge Depart The Lindo Wing With Their DaughterKate Middleton has given the world–especially its bloggers--exactly what it wanted: A baby princess. Tiny little Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana is a darling moppet in a merino wool christening shawl, and when she made her first appearance this weekend with her mother and father outside the Lindo Wing, everyone was stunned by how lovely and not exhausted Kate Middleton looked, and how cute the baby was. But while most of us just said, “Aww,” some viewers detected something more sinister. The baby was too cute, they said, obviously there is a royal cover-up at play.

(Related: The New Princess Just Got A Name And Also, A Bunch Of Concern Trolls)

According to The Daily Mail, a Russian newspaper ran a story expressing claims that the royal baby was born several days earlier than announced, possibly by a surrogate. The testimony in support came primarily from mothers who said the royal baby was too big, plump, and smooth-faced to actually be just a few hours old. Obviously this whole thing is ridiculous, but there’s nothing to help kill the end of a Monday like good, old-fashioned royal conspiracy theory, and these women do not disappoint.

“Look at the baby – she does not look like a newborn at all. She is at least three days old,” one woman said.

“I thought this too – that the baby is at least 7-10 days old. First of all, she is too big for a newborn, and secondly, the face is smooth and pale,” another said.

I cannot help but laugh at the idea that Princess Charlotte is too big to be a newborn, because I have a friend whose baby was over 10 pounds at birth, and I think she’d fight you if you said an 8-lb 3-oz baby was unrealistically outsized.

“Only men and girls who never gave birth can believe in this story,” one woman reportedly asserted.

A good conspiracy theory is a joy to follow. Bur until I see a photo of the Duchess of Cambridge and Beyonce getting fitted for fake pregnancy bellies together, I am going to have to assume Kate Middleton really did deliver the princess when she said she did, and that Princess Charlotte is an actual human baby and not the fake baby from American Sniper.

(Photo: Anwar Hussein/WireImage/Getty Images)