Just Because I Have A Pool Does Not Mean I Am Your Summer Fun Day Care Center

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I have pool rules. I like to be called before kids come over. I really appreciate parents who throw their kids in the shower or hose them off before they come over. I love my one friend (HI MEG!) who usually dumps her kids off and grabs all of mine when they are done swimming for an impromptu sleepover, or who comes with her kids and drinks beer with me while we both watch them swim. Because an extra pair of eyes to watch kids splash and an extra pair of hands to apply sunscreen is always helpful.

If you run around my pool you will get a time out. If you dunk anyone, especially a kid smaller than you, you will get a time out. Do it twice and you are out of the pool. If you use demeaning language like “fag” you are out. If you splash a kid and they cry you are out. If you pee in my pool and you loudly exclaim you have urinated in my pool you are out. I probably won’t invite you back.

Pools are stupid (the amount of work it takes cleaning them is totally stupid), and expensive. Even though I love having one because they do make my kids extremely exhausted and worn out at the end of a long summer day, they are also an invitation for certain parents to assume you have nothing better to do than amuse their kids for them all day while they are off doing adult stuff, like reading summer blockbusters and working on their tans.

I like having kids over! But just because I’m happy to have them come over doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I don’t want them over, when I just wanna swim with my kids and yell at my own kids not to splash the dog without having to yell at your kids too. So send them on over. But call first, and return the favor if possible by letting my kids spend a day on your trampoline. I promise to send with booze.


(photo: abovegroundpoolcompany)

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