Just Because I Have A Pool Does Not Mean I Am Your Summer Fun Day Care Center

kids in poolThere are some awesome moms in my ‘hood. They call me before their kids come over. Sometimes they send them with popsicles or a bottle of wine for me. But for every awesome mom I know in my ‘hood, there are plenty of parents who assume that just because I have a giant money-suck of water in my backyard, this means that I will be more than happy to watch their brats for endless hours when we are outside swimming. Ummm, no.

It all started two years ago when we first moved in and three children I did not know showed up on their bikes, with towels, when my kids were swimming. I informed the little darlings that I would be happy to have them come over, but I needed to speak with a parent first. I had NO idea where these children came from, and one of my kids informed me that they rode the bus with them, but lived “far” away. These kids were hot and sweaty and obviously exhausted. I gave them bottles of water and requested a phone number and dialed, while they gazed longingly at my kids splashing like little fishes as they waited. I left a voicemail explaining who I was, where I lived, and that the mother’s children were at my house wanting to swim.

Now, I’m a nice person. I like having kids over. But pools are dangerous, and I at least wanna know an adult’s first name before I let their kids potentially drown in my pool. After about two hours I received a call back from the mother who informed me that she had told her children they could come to my house for swimming, but that they needed to return home to clean their rooms. She said she would drop them back after. Part of me wanted to say:

THAT’S RAD YOU TOLD YOUR KIDS THEY COULD SWIM AT MY HOUSE WITHOUT ASKING ME AND I’M GLAD THEY CAN COME BACK SWIMMING WITHOUT TECHNICALLY BEING INVITED BUT YEAH, WHATEVER, SEND ‘EM ON OVER.

Lizzy-McGuire

Instead I cheerfully told her that yes, they could come back and that I would love to meet her as well so please come around back when she drops them off. So a few hours pass and her kids show up, with no mom, who had to “run errands.”

I get wanting a bit of free time to run errands, but as a parent I would never ditch my kids anywhere, because for all she knows I could have a pool, but I could also be like smoking crack at my pool and pouring shots of Jagermeister for the kids while we have a contest called ” Who can run the fastest around the pool holding a kitchen knife and being chased by one of my 10 pitbulls.”

I let her kids swim, but told them next time they could not come over unless I met their mom first. Strangely, they never returned.

I have pool rules. I like to be called before kids come over. I really appreciate parents who throw their kids in the shower or hose them off before they come over. I love my one friend (HI MEG!) who usually dumps her kids off and grabs all of mine when they are done swimming for an impromptu sleepover, or who comes with her kids and drinks beer with me while we both watch them swim. Because an extra pair of eyes to watch kids splash and an extra pair of hands to apply sunscreen is always helpful.

If you run around my pool you will get a time out. If you dunk anyone, especially a kid smaller than you, you will get a time out. Do it twice and you are out of the pool. If you use demeaning language like “fag” you are out. If you splash a kid and they cry you are out. If you pee in my pool and you loudly exclaim you have urinated in my pool you are out. I probably won’t invite you back.

Pools are stupid (the amount of work it takes cleaning them is totally stupid), and expensive. Even though I love having one because they do make my kids extremely exhausted and worn out at the end of a long summer day, they are also an invitation for certain parents to assume you have nothing better to do than amuse their kids for them all day while they are off doing adult stuff, like reading summer blockbusters and working on their tans.

I like having kids over! But just because I’m happy to have them come over doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I don’t want them over, when I just wanna swim with my kids and yell at my own kids not to splash the dog without having to yell at your kids too. So send them on over. But call first, and return the favor if possible by letting my kids spend a day on your trampoline. I promise to send with booze.

emmastone

(photo: abovegroundpoolcompany)

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