Childrearing

Some Parents Are Really, Really Worried That Do You Want to Play with My Balls? Is a Real Children’s Book

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(Photo: Amazon)

Have you guys been to your children’s schools yet? You’d better vet the books because apparently people are trying to poison your children with insidious and totally real, not at all a joke, children’s books like Do You Want to Play With My Balls?

Much like the best-selling book and “God I wish I’d thought of that” fodder Go the Fuck to Sleep, this new book called Do You Want to Play wih My Balls is a parody of a children’s book but is very clearly meant for adults. I mean, obviously. The whole thing is just 32 pages of ball puns and sexual innuendo, and it is pretty clearly not intended for children. But according to Buzzfeed, a lot of people are very confused and upset about this new literary genre.

A site called Mediatakeout found out about the existence of the book and warned its followers to make sure it wasn’t being used in their kids’ schools.

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(Photo: Mediatakeout via Buzzfeed)

I do not know why anyone would think this book would be taught in schools, and I have no idea who is trying to “indoctrinate” kids or what they are supposedly indoctrinating them into, but Mediatakeout’s message was shared more than 215,000 times on Facebook, and some commenters got pretty upset about it.

“This is why we’re reading through all of our kids’ books,” said one woman. “This is disgusting.”

“I can’t believe this is really a children’s book!” said another woman, who probably should have gone with her gut on that one. “I am outraged! Children should not be exposed to this sort of thing in this sort of way.”

It’s a good thing this is not actually a book for children, then. Do You Want to Play with My Balls? is basically just a short riff on the Schweddy Balls sketch from Saturday Night Live, but less subtle and without Alec Baldwin’s mellow baritone. It is a book for adults who find double entendres like, “Wow, your balls are so big I can’t even fit them in my mouth!” hilarious. If you know someone like that, that person will probably think this book is spectacularly funny. It’s available on Amazon for $14.95.