Some Day There Will Be a Paparazzi Camera That Can Do Ultrasounds so We Can Know for Sure If Jennifer Aniston is Pregnant

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(Via Giphy)

Now that Kate Middleton has officially delivered a prince and princess into the British royal family, she can step down and hand over the title of “world’s most watched uterus” to Jennifer Aniston once and for all. Seriously, it seems like people have been waiting for Aniston to have a baby since the 90s, and that’s not even including the time everyone freaked out when Rachel had Ross’ baby on Friends.

In Touch has announced that Aniston is officially pregnant with her first baby with husband Justin Theroux. “Jen’s Finally Pregnant!” the cover of the latest issue reads alongside words like “miracle baby at 47” and “First bump pics. World exclusive.”

The whole thing is a bit unseemly. It is true, however, that news of an Aniston pregnancy would certainly excite a lot of people.

But I’m not buying it yet because Aniston’s reps have not commented on the story, and I have been burned on this exact story before. Three or four years ago I was on the celebrity news blogging circuit when news broke that Aniston was pregnant. A “close friend” had supposedly confirmed the pregnancy to a celebrity magazine, which verified the news by looking at a photo of her wearing a red carpet dress with a little pooch around the belly.

“OH MY GOD GET A POST UP! GET A POST UP!” my editor gasped. I’ve never typed so fast in my life. Aniston getting a haircut was enough of a draw to hit all my post traffic goals for a month. News of her pregnancy was guaranteed to explode the Internet like the butt of Kim Kardashian.

As we all know, though, Aniston was not actually pregnant several years ago. Nor was she pregnant any of the other times tabloids have announced it in the pat few years. Luckily for me I typed just slowly enough to avoid embarrassment, because by the time my post was finished being written, Aniston’s reps had told everyone that she wasn’t pregnant, and a lot of other bloggers had to issue embarrassed mea culpas.

Some day somebody will invent a camera fitted with a long-distance ultrasound device that can diagnose a celebrity pregnancy more accurately than a “baby bump” photo. Until then, we should maybe all just wait until they announce it themselves.