You’ve Got 99 Problems But A Crying Baby Ain’t One – Jay Z Songs Turned Into Lullabies

We all know Hova is an excellent daddy, what with his private Blue Ivy helicopter trips and million dollar nurseries, but I can’t quite give this collection of Jay Z songs turned into muzak lullabies the Eve Mom stamp of approval, especially considering um, some of the lyrical content, even if it isn’t present. And also that this type of thing annoys the hell out of me. The collection, due out in July, would probably make a cute shower gift, but after listening to the songs on the website I kinda feel like I’m trapped in some baby-themed elevator of xylophones and bells. The CD features songs like Big Pimpin’, with lyrics like:

You know I – thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em
Cause I don’t fuckin need ’em

Take em out the hood, keep em lookin good
But I don’t fuckin feed ’em

And even though these songs are all instrumental, there is still something a bit off-putting about playing them in a nursery, especially considering how fond are friend Hova is of the word “bitch.” And I’m a Jay Z fan! But I’m also a middle aged women who can analyze lyrical content and not a baby! Plus, does EVERYTHING have to be for babies? I want my rap music all X-rated and violent and misogynistic, I don’t go around demanding that Sesame Street be remade for dumb adults like me. Stupid babies, trying to cop my jams.

(Image: rockabyebaby.com)