I thought it might be Christmas morning when several Mommyish writers and readers alerted me to the fact that Jim Bob Duggar may be working on securing a husband for his daughter, Jana Duggar. Now this is where it gets exciting because it’s none other than Tim Tebow, acclaimed virgin and not-so-acclaimed football player.
From Jezebel via Star:
Jana’s dad Jim Bob has his sights set on NFL player Tim Tebow for Jana’s lucky match. And he and Michelle have already had secret meetings in Arkansas with Tebow’s mom!
“Jim Bob is no dummy,” an insider told Star. “Tim would be a perfect addition to the family and a feather in his cap. Can you imagine the press attention a Tim-Jana wedding would get?”
Try to ignore how totally repulsive this is, if true, as Jim Bob would essentially be leveraging his oldest daughter to increase his family’s fame but, this could be a very good thing for Jana. As the resident Duggar spinster, being a ripe 24 years of age, it is about time Jim Bob release her from servitude and I can’t think of anyone better than Tim Tebow. He’s gorgeous, he’s Christian and he seems pretty with it. He could open up a whole new world for sweet, beautiful Jana. Hope with me that this is true and see below for all the reasons Jana should consent to this match made in hot football player heaven.
1. If she’s going to be owned by a man, at least he should look like this.
I must admit- I would not totally mind being “owned” by this guy. Phew, I blacked out for a second. Where was I?
2. He might let her get edumacated.
He went to college. Maybe The Lord will speak to him and tell him it’s ok for his helpmate to learn something beyond creationism and doula-ing.
3. Again, he’s super hot.
Holy hell. Get it, girl.
4. He might let her wear PANTS.
Even sassy Mom Jeans would be a vast improvement upon her current restrictive, denim skirt situation. Why, she might even be able to jog a block or two.
5. She could get Tebow’d in bed.
6. It’s her way out of the Duggar compound.
That’s right, Jana. Deep breath, tuck and roll. No more babysitting. No more kitchen and laundry duty. Her life could finally be her own.
7. She could get massages and buy herself tons of fun stuff.
Buy used and save the difference? Not when your husband is a multi-millionaire public speaker with lucrative endorsements. No one deserves to be pampered more than this girl. And let’s face it- Jana would look super cute with an ornamental Chihuahua and weekly highlights.
8. She could save her sisters too.
Tim must have lots of hot football guy friends. I’m sure Jinger and eventually (currently underage), Joy Anna, would be on board. They could live an amazing, baller life together with their husbands and never have to darn their father’s socks again. I am rooting for a mass Duggar daughter escape that will leave Jim Bob and Michelle totally devoid of free household help. Make it happen, Jana. One wavy-haired daughter at a time.
(All GIF’s: Giphy)
(Image: Jessa Seewald Instagram)