A Toddler’s Rider Would Put Jack White’s To Shame

Jack White’s tour rider was released by the University of Oklahoma’s school newspaper earlier this month, and everyone is going nuts about how difficult he seems. There was a specific guacamole recipe he claims was an inside joke, and something about bananas being left out of the room — but apart from those two things, it really didn’t seem that high maintenance. Had he not addressed the leak via an open letter to the media this week that made him sound like a tantrumming child, the whole incident probably would have blown over much quicker.

Here’s a little something from his open letter, courtesy of The Huffington Post:

first off, this is none of your business, but i have no specific demands in my dressing room. i know i could ask for lots of things but i actually don’t ask for ANYTHING. i take with me what i need, and that ain’t much. anything on the rider is for the band and the crew. this “guacamole recipe” is my hilarious tour managers inside joke with the local promoters, it’s his recipe, not mine. it’s just something to break up the boredom, seeing who can make it best. though i wouldn’t know because i’ve never had it. i can’t even make kool aid let alone cook any real food enough to have a “recipe.” sorry, i don’t have that talent.

White doesn’t like capital letters.

When I see a tour rider with insane demands all over it, I can’t help but think of life with my toddler. Nothing seems ridiculous to me after living with the demands of a particular two-year-old. White’s bratty response doesn’t even seem that bad.

The toddler rider trumps any rock star or diva’s, any day. Here’s what my son’s would have probably looked like, when he was toddler-aged.

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