‘Is My Penis Still There? Good’ And Other Thoughts From A Two-Year-Old
I spend my days writing about motherhood and, of course, reading about other women’s experiences. The best is feeling validated when it comes to, say, paying a babysitter to watch your kids so that you can work (never mind that you make less money than the sitter). Or even, I don’t know, choosing sleep over sex. It’s always from the women’s perspective, though, and I often wonder what’s going on inside the elusive daddy brain.
This website by New Jersey writer, comedian and father Jason Good gives us a glimpse into what guys think not just about fatherhood also about their neurotic wives. And, I kid you not, it is laugh-out-loud funny. In fact, Jason Good is my new crush. Here’s a sample of Good’s musings pulled from his 365 BLOG:
Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old
Each of these â€œemotionsâ€ lasts about 3 seconds.
- I wanna play with Daddyâ€™s phone.
- I wanna put on Mommyâ€™s shoes.
- GET MOMMYâ€™S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
- I wanna open and close the thermostat.
- I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
- Is there anyone here with a phone I havenâ€™t played with yet?
- I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
- I wanna pick up the cat by itâ€™s head.
- I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
- HOLY SHIT Iâ€™M STARVING.
- CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
- I HATE FRUIT.
- I want out of my chair.
- I wanna play with the iPad.
- I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
- I wanna take my pants off.
- I donâ€™t like the shirt Iâ€™m wearing.
- I wanna play with Mommyâ€™s phone.
- I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
- Iâ€™m thirsty.
- No, not for that.
- Yes, perfect, juicebox. Iâ€™m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
- Whereâ€™s Daddy?
- Whereâ€™s the cat?
- Whereâ€™s Mommy?.
- SERIOUSLY WHEREâ€™S MOMMY!?
- Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
- Ok, thereâ€™s mommy. I want to play with her phone
- Hungry again. Never mind
- I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
- STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
- Wow, Iâ€™m starving. I want peas but I donâ€™t know how to tell anyone.
- Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
- WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
- Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
- Im tired.
- IM NOT TIRED!
- I wanna go for a walk but I donâ€™t wanna go outside.
- No, not inside either!
- I need to push some buttons right now.
- I hate this diaper.
- My eyes itch.
- WOW! Is this my toe?
- STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
- I hate these pants.
- This shirt itches.
- Iâ€™m tired.
- Stop asking me if Iâ€™m tired.
- Whereâ€™s that toy that goes beep.
- I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
- Put on my favorite song.
- Whereâ€™s the cat?
- What is UP with my shirt?
- Did I just hear a dog bark?
- YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
- I wanna see a dog.
- No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
- Is my penis still there? Good.
- I peed.
- Iâ€™m bored.
Funny stuff. But even better is Good’s more recent post called “3 Hours Inside My Wife’s Brain,” which includes such thoughts as:
“Someone stole my keys. Never mind, here they are.”
“Silas woke up crying at 10pm. I have to call Jason because heâ€™s in the city and thereâ€™s nothing he can do about it, but I still want him to know it happened.”
“I need to clean out the corner of my eye with my pinky nail.”
“I think I could have been The Bachelorette.”
Check it out for a good laugh!