sex

Jesus Freak: It Isn’t Wrong To Masturbate

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WHO ever said masturbation was immoral? Pardon my French, but reading some of these explanations makes me want to punch these people in their smug, churchy faces. I know that isn’t very “Christian” of me, but I can hardly stomach the guilt and shame associated with sex and personal gratification, so prevalent in many churches today.

I was always told, undoubtedly, that masturbation was wrong when I was growing up. My husband has shared similar stories about his religious parents. I remember asking my mom if masturbation was ever okay, even when you were married (as marriage seemed to be the golden ticket to sex that wouldn’t send you straight to hell); I’m sure my mom would have a different answer today, but back then, she parroted what she had been told. She told me verbatim, “No, masturbation in marriage is still wrong because your body is for your husband.”

Today, I believe that attitude is not godly, and it is also terribly damaging. After my teenage years, I started to masturbate, partially because I wanted to and partially because curiosity got the best of me as I tried to maintain my “virgin” status until marriage. I always enjoyed it, but in the back of my mind, this terrible judgment lurked.

After I got married, I thought—that’s it, now I have to have super-pure, godly marital sex (whatever that is). Fortunately, my husband and I have very open communication about everything; we talked about how to make our sex life work for us. I also continued to read about sexual health and satisfaction and realized that masturbation, in any context, is one great way to learn how to please yourself and feel more confident with a sexual partner, especially for women.

I hate the religious attitude toward masturbation, and I think it is incorrect. I have two sons, and while I certainly don’t look forward to puberty and all of the crusty socks scattered around my house, I do want to open up the conversation.

I’ve already told my husband that it’s his primary job to talk about all of this “teenage boy stuff” openly since he has experience, but I’m going to do it too. I would have appreciated my parents encouraging me to explore my sexuality without guilt, so that I didn’t have to learn it all by myself as a “late bloomer.” It would have saved me years of shame and embarrassment.

(Image: Maridav/Shutterstock)

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